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What to Expect When You're Expecting Assassins
Order of the Stick comic
OOTS0587
Comic no. 587
Date published 23 August 2008.
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Kubota's ninjas move against their tertiary targets.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Kazumi: Hey honey, can you get me a sandwich? We're starving.
Daigo: Of course, dear. What would you like on it?
Kazumi: Peanut butter, pepperoni, and pickles.

Panel 2

Daigo: Ewww! Do you really crave that?
Kazumi: No, it sounds disgusting. But this article in "Stereotyped Pregnancies Monthly" says that's what I should be eating.

Panel 3

Daigo: Ok, well, I'll see what we have left in the galley.
Daigo: I just hope I don't miss all the kicking where I'm—

Panel 4

The door is opened suddenly, a ninja comes in and kicks Daigo in the face, "WHUNK!"

Panel 5

Daigo drops to the ground unconscious, "THUNK!"

Panel 6

Ninja #1: Wow, that was easy.
Ninja #2: Yeah, I sort of expected him to put up a fight. He was in the army, you know.
Ninja #1: Guess we just slit everyone's throats, burn their bodies and call it a night.

Panel 7

Kazumi: What the—what's going on? Who are you? What did you do to my husband?
Ninja: He's just knocked out—for now. Don't worry, you're about to join him.

Panel 8

Kazumi disarms the ninja with a pillow, "FOOMF!"
Kazumi: Sorry to disappoint.

Panel 9

Kazumi kills the ninja with his own sword, "sklurtch!"
Kazumi: Turns out I get knocked up easier than I get knocked out.

Panel 10

Kazumi: You stupid pieces of @#!%. I was in the army, too, and I didn't forget four years of training the moment my egg's perimeter was breached.
Kazumi drinks a green potion.
Kazumi: You think just because I can't see my feet right now that I can't put one of them up your cowardly ninja asses?
Kazumi: Please.

Panel 11

Kazumi kills another ninja, "sklurtch!".
Kazumi: So what are the rest of you spineless mother%$@ers waiting for? I'm a goddamn baby-making, life-taking MACHINE!
Kazumi parries another ninja's attack, "klang!"
Kazumi: Why should I care how many people I have to kill? I can just make MORE in my TUMMY!
Ninja #3: Aww, she really has that pregnant glow, doesn't she?
Ninja #4: I think that's the potion.

Trivia Edit

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