|“What to Expect When You're Expecting Assassins”|
|Order of the Stick comic|
|Date published||23 August 2008.|
|View the comic|
Kubota's ninjas move against their tertiary targets.
- Panel 1
Kazumi: Hey honey, can you get me a sandwich? We're starving.
Daigo: Of course, dear. What would you like on it?
Kazumi: Peanut butter, pepperoni, and pickles.
- Panel 2
Daigo: Ewww! Do you really crave that?
Kazumi: No, it sounds disgusting. But this article in "Stereotyped Pregnancies Monthly" says that's what I should be eating.
- Panel 3
Daigo: Ok, well, I'll see what we have left in the galley.
Daigo: I just hope I don't miss all the kicking where I'm—
- Panel 4
The door is opened suddenly, a ninja comes in and kicks Daigo in the face, "WHUNK!"
- Panel 5
Daigo drops to the ground unconscious, "THUNK!"
- Panel 6
Ninja #1: Wow, that was easy.
Ninja #2: Yeah, I sort of expected him to put up a fight. He was in the army, you know.
Ninja #1: Guess we just slit everyone's throats, burn their bodies and call it a night.
- Panel 7
Kazumi: What the—what's going on? Who are you? What did you do to my husband?
Ninja: He's just knocked out—for now. Don't worry, you're about to join him.
- Panel 8
Kazumi disarms the ninja with a pillow, "FOOMF!"
Kazumi: Sorry to disappoint.
- Panel 9
Kazumi kills the ninja with his own sword, "sklurtch!"
Kazumi: Turns out I get knocked up easier than I get knocked out.
- Panel 10
Kazumi: You stupid pieces of @#!%. I was in the army, too, and I didn't forget four years of training the moment my egg's perimeter was breached.
Kazumi drinks a green potion.
Kazumi: You think just because I can't see my feet right now that I can't put one of them up your cowardly ninja asses?
- Panel 11
Kazumi kills another ninja, "sklurtch!".
Kazumi: So what are the rest of you spineless mother%$@ers waiting for? I'm a goddamn baby-making, life-taking MACHINE!
Kazumi parries another ninja's attack, "klang!"
Kazumi: Why should I care how many people I have to kill? I can just make MORE in my TUMMY!
Ninja #3: Aww, she really has that pregnant glow, doesn't she?
Ninja #4: I think that's the potion.
- The title is a play on What to Expect When You're Expecting, a famous pregnancy guidebook.