This Happens to Telemarketers All the Time
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 624
Date published 23 January 2009
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Qarr interrupts Vaarsuvius' work.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Vaarsuvius: There. Now that I have successfully replenished my magical compliment for the day, I am ready to continue my research.
Vaarsuvius: The first question to be addressed on this day's agenda:

Panel 2

Vaarsuvius: Why is a small imp invisibly lurking about my island?

Panel 3

Vaarsuvius: See Invisibility.
Vaarsuvius' see invisibility cone emanates from V's eyes, revealing Qarr.
Qarr: Oh crap!

Panel 4

Qarr: Tele—
Vaarsuvius: No, no teleportation. Dimensional Anchor!
Qarr turns green with the Dimensional Anchor.

Panel 5

Qarr flies away.
Qarr: Crap! Crap! CRAP!
Vaarsuvius: Bugsby's Grasping Hand.
A giant pink hand appears near Vaarsuvius.

Panel 6

The giant pink hand grasps Qarr, "GRASP!"

Panel 7

Qarr: Damn it! How long have you known?
Vaarsuvius: Four days. However, yesterday was the first time that your fumbling endeavors at staying silent actually rose to the level of distraction.

Panel 8

Qarr: Ah, hell. I should have suspected that you knew when you turned yourself invisible before peeing.
Vaarsuvius: Actually, that has simply become a habit when camping outdoors. It frustrated a halfling I once knew to no end.

Panel 9

Vaarsuvius: Tell me, are you seeking revenge? For my victory over the devil you had summoned?
Qarr: No! No, I swear! I was just observing you. Trying to figure out why you were reading books on a tiny rock in the middle of the ocean.

Panel 10

Vaarsuvius: I am conducting arcane research in the nearest locale that was free of mundane interruptions.
Vaarsuvius: Emphasis on the word "was."
Vaarsuvius: Now that I have dispelled your curiosity, you no longer have any reason to stay. I therefore bid you farewell.

Panel 11

Vaarsuvius: Bugsby's Flicking Finger!
The giant hand flicks Qarr ten meters or so into the ocean, "FLICK!"

Panel 12

Qarr: OK, well, all my molecules are still attached to my other molecules, so I guess that went pretty well for a cold call.
Vaarsuvius (off-panel): Bugsby's Expressive Single digit!
The hand flips Qarr the bird off-panel, "FLIP!"
Qarr: You know, relatively.

D&D Context Edit

  • At the beginning of the strip, V has just finished his long rest to recover spells.
  • See Invisibility is a 2nd level spell which allows the perception of invisible and ethereal creatures. It works within the normal range of vision, not a limited cone.
  • Teleport is a spell-like ability of Qarr, who is an Imp. It is not a canonical ability for imps, although invisibility is. He may be teleporting via spell using his sorcerer abilities.
  • Bugsby's Grasping Hand is V's version of the Grasping Hand spell, a 7th level spell. All of the other variations in this strip are humorous inventions for this strip.
    • Bigby was originally an NPC henchman of D&D creator Gary Gygax's PC Mordenkainen. The character grew and took on its own life and became another of Gygax's PCs. He became a powerful wizard and one of the original member's of Gygax's Circle of Eight. When Gygax was forced out of TSR in 1985 he lost the rights to Bigby along with most of his other characters. Bigby remains under the copyright of Wizards of the Coast, who bought TSR in 1997, and who in turn was bought by Hasbro in 1999. Because of these intellectual property issues (and perhaps to reference Gygax's plight of not being able to use his own characters), Rich Burlew uses parody names for these spells, such as Bugsby or Bixby.

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