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There's More Than One Way to Fail a Listen Check
Order of the Stick comic
OOTS0676
Comic no. 676
Date published 8 September 2009
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Belkar is of no help whatsoever.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Human Prostitute: Hey, good lookin', how about a party?
Lizardfolk Prostitute #1: Once you go scaly, you'll be back daily.
Lizardfolk Prostitute #2: How about the best of both worlds, baby?
Roy: No thanks, I think just the visual image you present has sent my libido back into its cave for six more weeks of winter.

Panel 2

Belkar: Sorry, ladies.
Human Prostitute: Face it, girlfriend, you shouldn't have spent all your savings on those implants.
Lizardfolk Prostitute #1: Yeah, who ever heard of a reptile with boobs? Ridiculous!
Lizardfolk Prostitute #2: I was just trying to stay current!

Panel 3

Roy: Belkar, are we almost there? I'd like to get what I need and get back.
Belkar: Well, you would almost be there if you weren't so picky.
Roy: Picky?
Belkar: Yeah, that was like the 15th hooker you've turned down.

Panel 4

Roy: What? Belkar, I didn't ask you to find a prostitute for me!
Belkar: I know, but I don't think we have time to find someone to give you that "sex taint" you asked me about for free.

Panel 5

Roy: Sextant, Belkar! I asked you to find a place where I could get a sextant!
Belkar: Right, a sex taint. And if you would just hurry up and pick someone to rub down your potion factory for you, we can get back to the others.

Panel 6

Roy: No, it's—A sextant is a navigational tool, it reads the altitude of the sun or the stars so you can figure out where you are.
Roy: Shojo gave me the coordinates for Girard's Gate that Soon left behind when he founded the Sapphire Guard, but I need a map, some almanacs, and a sextant to make any sense of them—
Roy: —especially since the Gate is in the middle of the desert, where there are no landmarks.

Panel 7

Roy: Now you told me you could lead me to what I needed. Is that true or not?
Belkar: Hey, when I said that, I thought you were looking for whores. Navigational tools are a lot less aromatic.

Panel 8

Roy: Fine. I'll find a cartographer myself, then.
Belkar: A what?
Roy: A cartographer. If I could find one in this town, I'm sure they'd have everything we need there.

Panel 9

Belkar: You know what? I'm going to find that for you, Roy. Because I'm the party tracker, that's my job, right?
Belkar: So just relax while I lead you right to a—

Panel 10

Roy: ...
Roy: This is a cart of gophers, isn't it?
Belkar: I wasn't sure what you're using them for, so I also had the dealer throw in a wagon of chinchillas.
Belkar: You know, as backup.

D&D Context Edit

  • The title points out that a character can fail a Listen check by not hearing the sound, but also by mis-hearing the sound.

Trivia Edit

  • The Chinchilla is a rodent native to the Andes mountains renowned for its soft fur.

External Links Edit

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