|“The Return of Mail Call”|
|Order of the Stick comic|
|Date published||18 November 2004|
|View the comic|
The Order answers more fan mail.
- Haley Starshine (also as a Ninja and a Pirate) ◀ ▶
- Elan ◀ ▶
- Belkar Bitterleaf ◀ ▶
- Thog ◀ ▶
- A Random Person
- Ninja Haley's wealthy Victim
- Three Stereotypical Pirates
- Panel 1
Haley: Well, this seems like a good spot to stop and answer some more reader mail!
Belkar: Because it was so popular the first time.
Elan: It was?
Belkar: No. No it was not.
- Panel 2
Haley: So here's our first question, from Dave in Kansas City, Missouri:
The letter reads:
Who uses a twelve-
sided die? I don't
think I've ever rolled
a d12 in my life!
- Panel 3
Elan: The poor d12, so maligned, so misunderstood.
Elan: Shunned by its more popular d6 and d20 bretheren[sic], even the d4 secretly laughs at the poor twelve-sider.
Elan: The d3 gets more play, and it doesn't even exist!
- Panel 4
Cut to a scene of Thog swinging a greataxe at a helpless Commoner.
Elan (inset): But the d12 does have one refuge: the barbarian! Whether for hit points or for greataxe damage, the d12 and the barbarian are best buddies.
Thog: thog power attack for 1d12+567 damage! grrr!
d12: Yeah! Kick his ass!
Random Person: I sure hope he rolls a one for damage.
- Panel 5
Cut back to Haley and Belkar.
Haley: So yes, Dave, someone does use a d12, and you're better off not making them angry.
Belkar: Luckily, none of them can read this comic, so allow me to just say:
Belkar: BARBARIANS SUCK!
- Panel 6
Elan: Next letter, from Amber in Canada:
The letter reads:
I love Haley! She's a
rogue, but would you
say she is more of a
ninja-rogue, or more
of a pirate-rogue?
- Panel 7
Haley: Ahhhhhhh, Ninja vs. Pirate, the age-old debate.
Belkar: And by "age old" she means, "showed up on the Internet like two years ago, at most."
- Panel 8
Haley: But which lifestyle is more to my liking...
- Panel 9
Cut to Haley dressed as a Ninja threatening an Asian man in Japanese attire.
Ninja Victim: Please! I will give you my unusually vast and particularly glittery fortune! Just spare my life.
Haley (as a ninja): Honor demands that I must refuse. Prepare to die.
- Panel 10
Cut back to Haley.
Haley: ...or Pirate?
- Panel 11
Pirate #1: More wine, Pirate Queen?
Pirate #2: More treasure, Pirate Queen?
Pirate #3: Another sensual massage, Pirate Queen?
- Panel 12
Haley: Definitely Pirate.
Elan: Nice Choice.
Belkar: I wouldn't know, I can't even Spot the ninja panel.
D&D Context Edit
- A "3-sided dice" is usually rolled by rolling a 6-sided dice and dividing the result by 2 and rounding up, although actual d3's do exist.
- Belkar says that Barbarians can't read the comic because Barbarians start the game not knowing how to read.
- This is the second "fan-mail" filler comic; the first is #33, Mail Call, and the third is #259, Son of Mail Call.
- Recurring gag: In #3, See Spot Spot, he couldn't spot a band ninjas who were standing right next to him.
- The 3rd unnamed pirate is used as an Order of the Stick avatar on the Forum.
- Despite Belkar's comment, he later multiclasses into the Barbarian base class in #132.