That's Probably Why There Are, Like, 17 Types
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 707
Date published 20 March 2010
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Peregrine Commander demonstrates the ruthlessness with which he deals with goblins.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Pink-Haired Team Peregrine Member casts a fog spell
Team Peregrine Wizard: This way! Follow the sound of my voice
Thanh: Any sign of a tactical response?
Niu: Not yet, Thanh

Panel 2

Peregrine Commander: One moment, please. What is this hobgoblin doing among the prisoners?
Knot Topped Resistance Leader: He was locked up in one of the cells.
Eyepatched Resistance Leader: Thanh said to escort all the prisoners to the tunnels, so...
Hobgoblin Prisoner: Please, I can help you!

Panel 3

Hobgoblin Prisoner: I hate the greenskins as much as you do! That interloper, Redcloak, locked me up because I roughed up a new immigrant.
Hobgoblin Prisoner: I can give you information, or... or go undercover for you! Whatever you want!

Panel 4

Peregrine Commander: Interesting. Some people would be suspicious of your offer. They might think that you were a spy, planted to infiltrate the Resistance.
Peregrine Commander: Or, as the very least, that you would turn and escape the moment you were able, perhaps even trading what you had learned of us to your leaders in return for a pardon.

Panel 5

Peregrine Commander: But see, I have a different view. Do you know why?
Hobgoblin Prisoner: Uh...because you're a nice guy?
Peregrine Commander: No.
Peregrine Commander: But I do know that there are Good goblins in the world.

Panel 6

Hobgoblin Prisoner: You do?
Peregrine Commander: Oh yes. I say so all of the time, do I not, Lieutenant?
Peregrine Lieutenant: Yes, you do, Commander.

Panel 7

Peregrine Commander: In fact, Lieutenant, do I not often expound on the one quality, without which, no goblin can be truly Good?
Peregrine Lieutenant: You have been known to do so, Commander.

Panel 8

Hobgoblin Prisoner: What, like...mercy? Or compassion? Or something?
Peregrine Commander: Why not inform out poor inmate here what that one quality is?
Peregrine Lieutenant: You have often expressed the opinion, Commander, that the only Good goblins—

Panel 9

The hobgoblin prisoner is thrown off the tower by the Peregrine Commander.
Hobgoblin Prisoner: Aaaah!! Peregrine Lieutenant: —are dead goblins.
Peregrine Commander: Quite.

Panel 10

The hobgoblin prisoner lands off-panel below, "kaSPLAT!!"
Peregrine Commander: You may now escort the prisoner to the tunnels, in accordance with your orders.
Peregrine Commander: A spatula may be helpful in that regard.

Panel 11

Knot Topped Resistance Leader: I don't see any reason to burden Thanh with the petty details of this sort of thing.
Eyepatched Resistance Leader: Elves are awesome.

D&D Context Edit

  • The fog created by the Pink-Haired Team Peregrine Member, who apparently is a multiclassed fighter/wizard or similar, is likely either the 1st level, Obscuring Mist or the 2nd level Fog Cloud. It could conceivably also be the 4th level Solid Fog spell, though that would slow their retreat. See also #604.
  • The title responds to the final line of the strip, noting that "elves are awesome" is probably the reason that there are so many subtypes of elves in D&D, perhaps as many as 17. In the SRD for D&D 3.5 Edition there are only five: aquatic elves, drow (dark elves), grey elves, wild elves and wood elves. Additional subraces published for various editions include: high elves, snow elves, valley elves, winged elves, moon elves, star elves, sun elves, painted elves, deep elves, Qualinesti and Silvanesti (in the Dragonlance setting), and Dark Sun elves, bringing the total to 17. There are additional published races which are perhaps separate races entirely, like the Lythari and Vil Adanrath, or just separate populations of one of the other subraces, like the Ssri-Tel'Quessir. One reference site lists ninety-three subraces of elves though most of these are home-brew content which was never published in any official or unofficial D&D resource.

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