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Technically, the "Fish" Version is a Subset of This One
Order of the Stick comic
OOTS0612
Comic no. 612
Date published 1 December 2008
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Old Blind Pete contemplates a new nickname.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Pete stands in the front door.
Pete: But this is my house! And I can finally see it again for the first time in years.
Eye patched guildie: I'm sorry we can't let anyone in or out. Bozzok's orders.
Pete: At least let me change my clothes! Why didn't anyone ever TELL me I was wearing orange and purple together??

Panel 2

Pete: Look, all I really want is get to my den, right behind you. I'll just sit and read a book until you guys give the word.
Eye patched guildie: Well...I guess it wouldn't kill us to let you stay in—

Panel 3

Eyepatched Thief gets killed from behind by a thrown dagger, "shtherk!"

Panel 4

Belkar kills another red haired guildie with the XXX-bottle, "WNNK."

Panel 5

Belkar kills a Red-Headed Thief at the door and puts his short sword into Pete's foot, "SHUNK!"
Belkar: Hey there! Welcome home! You're looking well, let me massage your feet.
Pete: AHHHH!
Belkar: I'll start with the inside.

Panel 6

Pete: Please don't stab my eyes out, please don't stab my eyes out, please don't stab my eyes out...
Belkar: Why would I do that? Because you sold us out to a bunch of third-rate wannabes?
Belkar: Nah, I'm not going to do anything to you, Petey Boy.

Panel 7

Belkar: Other than leave you in the capable hands of your dear old childhood friend here.
Cleric of Loki: Me? I mean, I never—in self-defense, sure, but—
Belkar: First time for everything, right? Consider it my "thank you" gift to you.

Panel 8

Cleric of Loki: Listen, I'm skipping town tonight. How would you like a job as a bodyguard?
Belkar: ...
Belkar: Nah, I think I better go help the girls. It's a whole thing.
Cleric of Loki: Good luck to you, then.
Belkar: You too.

Panel 9

Pete: Listen, listen! You don't understand! Yeah, OK, I told them about you casting spells behind the Guild's back—
Cleric of Loki: Spells for YOU! I only did it to help YOU, Pete!
Pete: —but I came back to help you escape!

Panel 10

Pete: They let me in because it was my house, didn't they? It's all part of my big plan!
Cleric of Loki: I guess you have all the angles worked out then. You're a real smart guy, huh?
Pete: Heh heh, you bet. Now help me get this sword out—
Cleric of Loki: Maybe we ought to start calling you...

Panel 11

Cleric of Loki: "Brainy Pete".
Pete: ...
Pete: No! NO! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, it was all a—

Panel 12

Belkar: See what we learned today, Mr. Scruffy?
Mr. Scruffy: Meow?
Belkar: Solve a man's problems with violence, help him for a day. Teach a man to solve his problems with violence, help him for a lifetime!
From off-panel come the sounds of the cleric beating Pete to death, "THUNK! THUNK! CRACK!! squilch."

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