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Slash Attack
Order of the Stick comic
OOTS0753
Comic no. 753
Date published 20 October 2010
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Roy and Belkar meet Tarquin.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Roy: Who's this Guy?
Belkar: Hold on, let me just consult my copy of Who's Who in the Crappy Dictatorship You're Stuck In.
Tarquin: I was just watching you spar. You're quite the warrior. Maybe the finest we've seen in some years.
Tarquin: If nothing else, I'm sure you'll put on a good show tomorrow.

Panel 2

Roy: Great. Six years of schooling have qualified me to fight to the death on the whims of another.
Belkar: Actually, that's pretty common in the current economic climate.

Panel 3

Roy: Too bad I won't do it, though.
Tarquin: What, won't fight?
Roy: Won't kill another man who's been run through your sham of a legal system.
Tarquin: Then you won't live past noon tomorrow. Pity, I could use more men with your skills under me.

Panel 4

Roy: I wouldn't work for a coward who lets others fight for him and hides behind a mask.
Tarquin: Please. If you want to look me in the eye while I tell you your fate, then so be—

Panel 5

Tarquin revealed his face.
Roy: *GASP!*
Belkar: Would you look at that...
Tarquin: What?
Tarquin: Do I have something on my face?

Panel 6

Roy: No, uh, no... It's just—uh—you look like—
Belkar: You look like a really handsome man, and hanging out with these sweaty gladiators has turned my friend and me totally gay.
Tarquin: Oh! Well, thank you very much, buy[sic] I'm soon to be married.

Panel 7

Roy: Uh...right! Well, darn. I guess I missed my chance.
Belkar: That's a shame, because if there was one person with whom my friend would want to hook up, it would be someone with your face.
Belkar: Your exact face—though maybe, say, twenty years younger.

Panel 8

Belkar: I'm sure he's picturing it right now—running his strong callused hand through fine blond hair...
Roy: Shut up, Belkar!
Tarquin: No, no don't be embarrassed. I get this all the time.

Panel 9

Tarquin: Tell you what, if you change your mind and live through tomorrow's fight, I'll see what I can do about getting us on the same team.
Tarquin: The army team. Not the, you know, "other team" team.
Tarquin: Like I said, I could use more men like you under me—and I now realize that maybe that's not the best turn of phrase, either.

Panel 10

Tarquin: Anyway, I look forward to the games. Good luck.

Panel 11

Belkar: "Caress, caress, caress, caress my lithe supple body!"
Roy: Do you WANT to get hit with the big stick again?
Belkar: That's what HE said!

Trivia Edit

  • In panel 5, Tarquin’s positioning and dialogue mirror Elan’s dialogue and positioning in #141, panel 7.
  • Belkar's first line in the last panel mimics Elan's typical formula for bardic music, for example as in #4, The Power of Music.
  • The title refers to "slash fic", fan-made content in which characters engage in homosexual acts.

External Links Edit

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