|“Risk vs. Reward”|
|Order of the Stick comic|
|Date published||27 November 2006|
|View the comic|
Haley and her inner-selves grapple with the meaning of Nale's overtures.
- Haley Starshine (also as:) ◀ ▶
[Note all voices occur in Haley's head, except where noted in the transcript.]
- Panel 1, Page 1
Self-Loathing: OK, everyone, breathe deeply.
Self-Loathing: Actually, only Haley needs to breathe deeply, the rest of us are imaginary.
- Panel 2, Page 1
Self-Loathing: We have a major crisis on our hands here.
Vanity: I know! I'm not even sure we'll fit into that dress! much less find shoes in time!!
- Panel 3, Page 1
Self-Loathing: What? No, Haley's Vanity, that's not what I'm talking about.
Vanity: Oh, sorry. You're worried about how we'll do our hair, then.
- Panel 4, Page 1
Self-Loathing: Look, men that we've been pining over for the better part of a year do not spontaneously decide to just sweep us off our feet with flowers and new dresses.
Self-Loathing: That doesn't happen to girls like us.
- Panel 5, Page 1
Self-Reliance: Oh, I see what's going on here.
Self-Reliance: Self-Loathing here just doesn't want us to be happy, so she's trying to sabotage the whole thing.
- Panel 6, Page 1
Self-Loathing: Listen, Peroxide, I'm the only one here who cares enough about Haley to tell her the whole unvarnished truth.
Self-Loathing: And I say something is wrong.
- Panel 7, Page 1
Self-Loathing: Am I the ONLY one who noticed that Elan wasn't acting very Elan-like?
Self-Loathing: He was suave and romantic and didn't forget what he was saying in the middle.
Self-Loathing: Plus, I think he checked out our rack at one point.
- Panel 8, Page 1
Optimism: Well... Maybe his feelings for us spurred him to new heights of confidence.
Self-Loathing: Oh, yeah, maybe. Or maybe he's a Pod Person from the Fifth Dimension.
- Panel 9, Page 1
Optimism: That's insane.
Self-Loathing: Insane, right. Because we're NOT talking about a girl whose mind is slowly fracturing into a thousand pieces under the strain of not having anyone to listen to her.
- Panel 10, Page 1
Self-Loathing: What about that dress? Black, strapless, with laces up the front and back? Who wears stuff like that?
Vanity: You do.
Self-Loathing: Yeah—but I'm a teenager! You can't take my fashion choices seriously!
- Panel 11, Page 1
Latent Bisexuality: I think the dress looks hot...
Self-Loathing: No one asked you, Haley's Latent Bisexuality.
Latent Bisexuality: Fine. I'll just go back to hiding in the corner.
- Panel 12, Page 1
Self-Loathing: I'm telling you, this whole thing is fishy! Back me up, Haley's Mistrust.
Mistrust: Why should I? What's your angle??
Self-Loathing: *sigh* Never mind.
- Panel 1, Page 2
Intellect: Actually, Elan's vocabulary and syntax were significantly above those of his usual speech patterns.
Self-Loathing: Thank you, Haley's Intellect, that's what I'm talking about.
- Panel 2, Page 2
Intellect: However, it is possible that he raised his Intelligence score the last time he gained a level.
Self-Loathing: What? Ugh, you're grasping at straws now! Think, people, THINK!
- Panel 3, Page 2
Haley (aloud): No.
Self-Loathing: Did—did you just say "no" to thinking??
- Panel 4, Page 2
Haley: Yeah. I think too much.
Haley: All of my life, I've been suspicious and distrustful.
Haley: What do I have to show for it?
Self-Loathing: Uh... you're still alive?
Haley: I'm not sure I'd call this living.
- Panel 5, Page 2
Haley: Elan managed to get through his life without second-guessing everything, and he's happy. He took a chance coming here and telling me how he felt—
Haley: —something I was freaking out about long before I lost my voice.
- Panel 6, Page 2
Haley: All I know is that if I don't go, I'll probably spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened.
Haley: I can't do that. I'll go crazy.
Haley: Crazier, whatever.
- Panel 7, Page 2
Haley: You could be right. There could be something wrong with him.
Haley: Maybe he's a doppelganger who wants to devour my frontal lobe or something.
- Panel 8, Page 2
Haley: Or maybe—just maybe—everything is exactly as it seems and this is my one and only opportunity to be truly happy.
- Panel 9, Page 2
Haley: I think that's worth the risk.
Haley: I think that may be worth ANY risk.
- Panel 10, Page 2
Haley's Self-Loathing is silent.
- Panel 11, Page 2
Self-Loathing: Yeah, well...
Self-Loathing: Don't come crying to me when your brain gets eaten!
- Panel 12, Page 2
Intellect: Technically, since we are solely mental constructs, we would cease to exist.
Mistrust: I don't buy it.
Vanity: Would that mess up our hair?
Self-Reliance: Wait, if we didn't have a brain, how could we—
Self-Loathing: Gods, I hate you all.
- Pod People are a fictional alien species which feature as the antagonists of the 1955 Jack Finney novel Invasion of the Body Snatchers, as well as the classic 1956 film of the same name.
- There are four dimensions known to exist (3 spatial dimensions, plus time), though some physical models postulate more. A hypothetical "5th Dimension" has been used in some science fiction and fantasy as home to strange beings, for example Mister Mxyzptlk from the DC comics universe.
- This is the final appearance of Haley's Optimism, Haley's Self-Reliance, Haley's Anger, Haley's Intellect, Haley's Mistrust, and Haley's Vanity. The former two first appeared in #319. The latter five first appeared in the comic previous to this one.
- This is the only appearance of Haley's Latent Bisexuality, though not the last innuendo to be made in that direction.
- It is in this moment that the Oracle's prophesy for Haley comes true, though she would only realize it much later.