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Pick Your Doom
Order of the Stick comic
OOTS0300
Comic no. 300
Date published 4 April 2006
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Xykon prepares for war.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1, Page 1

Xykon: Redcloak! Report!
Redcloak: Well, since you asked so nicely...
Redcloak: Animate Dead.

Panel 2, Page 1

Redcloak: Preparations are 98.5% complete. The bad news is that we've experienced 341 discipline problems among the hobgoblin troops this week.
Redcloak: The good news is that the ghoul horde has swelled by 315 members.

Panel 3, Page 1

Xykon: Okay, have you—wait, only 315? What happened to the rest?
Redcloak: The, uh... the ghouls do get hungry, sir.

Panel 4, Page 1

Xykon: Have you analyzed those gate locations I deciphered?
Redcloak: Yes sir, I have them right here on color-coded parchments.
Xykon: Wow, you really are a dork, aren't you?

Panel 5, Page 1

Redcloak: This is the first location. As you can see, it is located across the ocean.
Redcloak: Unless you want to invest heavily in water wings, I don't see us getting this many minions over water.

Panel 6, Page 1

Xykon: Hey! I've got an idea!
Redcloak: So help me, if you make me sail a ship made of hobgoblin corpses across the ocean, I will find a way to make you pay.

Panel 7, Page 1

Redcloak: Moving on...
Redcloak: This is the second location. It is located far to the north. In order to get there, we'd have to march through eight human nations.

Panel 8, Page 1

Xykon: Can't we just conquer them?
Redcloak: Well, yes, but I'm not sure they're worth our time, sir.

Panel 9, Page 1

Xykon: Redcloak, we're literally out to conquer the world here. In what way is conquering eight parts of that world not worth our time?
Redcloak: When we can get the same goal accomplished by only conquering one part of it.

Panel 10, Page 1

Redcloak: Here's the third location. It will take several weeks to reach it, but most of the path is through wilderness.
Redcloak: There's only one little nation to deal with, and we'll control the gate that we need.

Panel 11, Page 1

Redcloak: The best part is WHICH nation we get to conquer.
Xykon: Nice! You've sold me.

Panel 12, Page 1

Xykon: Send the word down the line, Redcloak. That's our destination.

Panel 1, Page 2

Xykon is mounted on a Zombie Dragon before a massive army of hobgoblins, ghouls, and wights.
Xykon: Next stop: Azure City.
Xykon: (If anyone has to pee before we get started, now's the time.)
Demon-Roach #1: Ooooo, splash page!
Demon-Roach #2: Must be the end of a story arc.

D&D Context Edit

  • Animate Dead is a 3rd-level Cleric spell that creates zombies and other undead. There is a limit to the amount of undead one can control, based on level, but that limit is high enough that you can control small armies, as we see Redcloak and Xykon often do.

Trivia Edit

External Links Edit

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