Pardon Me
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 813
Date published 4 November 2011
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Tarquin wants to hire Roy as a special operative; when Roy is reluctant, Tarquin throws in amnesty for Roy and Belkar's "crimes" just for hearing out the job offer. Lawful Good Roy negotiates amnesty for Ian and Geoff as well, stating that he gave the two men his word that he would free them, and Lawful Evil Tarquin grudgingly agrees.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Tarquin: Defeating a superior combatant with nothing but your wits and environment…it’s like something I’d have done when I was your level.
Tarquin: Except for the part where you scared away the spectators. Stylistic differences, I suppose.

Panel 2

Tarquin: I was right about you: you’re too valuable to waste battling criminals to the death.
Tarquin: We’ll tell the audience that both you and the half-orc were killed in the collapse, and start fresh with a new champ.

Panel 3

Roy: Was he? Thog, I mean; is he dead?
Tarquin: We won’t know until we dig him out, I’m afraid.
Roy: Oh.

Panel 4

Tarquin: I’d like you to come work for me as a special operative.
Tarquin: I have some long-term plans in motion, and sometimes they need a little nudge here and there from someone with your talents.
Roy: Thanks, but I’m not really interested in that sort of work.

Panel 5

Tarquin: I’ll make you a deal: Come back to my palace and talk it over with Humanoid Resources, and I’ll grant you amnesty for whatever crime landed you here.
Tarquin: I’ll even expunge the record for you.
Tarquin: Don’t like what you hear? Walk away—no strings. Though I am confident we can make you an offer within your range.

Panel 6

Roy: For the halfling too? Amnesty, in writing?
Tarquin: Sure, sure. Everyone needs a sidekick.
Belkar: Yeah, I got your kick in the side right here.

Panel 7

Roy: And for the two old men I met in prison.
Tarquin: Now wait a minute. I’m to going to throw open the gates of my jail and—
Roy: I gave my word that when I walked out of here, I was taking them with me.
Roy: If they stay, I stay.

Panel 8

Tarquin: Hmmmph. Well, I certainly appreciate a man who stands by his word.
Tarquin: Very well, we have a deal. Give your information and the other two names to the flying kobold.
Kilkil: So, what originally brought you two to the Empire?
Roy: Oh, you know, the usual reasons.

Panel 9

Kilkil: Which are?
Roy: Uh…sightseeing, mostly?
KilKil: Really? We’re not known for our tourism. What sights—exactly—did you come to see?
Roy: Um—well—there was, uh—
Belkar: He’s just pulling your leg. We’re wanted in several other nations for racketeering, jury tampering, and interfering with a mail carrier.
Belkar: This seemed like a good place to hole up.

Panel 10

Kilkil: Ah, well, that makes a lot more sense. You might be interested in our Qualified Fugitive Assistance Program, then.
Roy (whispering): Thanks for the cover story.
Belkar (whispering): “Cover story?” Spoken like a man who’s never had to flee a jurisdiction in his life.
Belkar (whispering): Hand me that pamphlet, would you?

D&D Context Edit

  • Tarquin is Lawful Evil, which is why he appreciates Roy keeping his word.

Trivia Edit

  • Just as Thog's death eyes were ambiguous in #808, Tarquin likewise refuses to confirm Thog's death.
  • Belkar is not technically lying about their crimes: they were unlawfully hired by Shojo (racketeering), Roy's father was the jury of their trial (jury tampering) and Miko was supposed to deliver the Order to Shojo, and later the High Priest of Thor's letter for Durkon (interfering with a mail carrier).

External Links Edit