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One for the History Books
Order of the Stick comic
OOTS0702
Comic no. 702
Date published 31 January 2010
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Azure city is renamed to Gobbotopia.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Redcloak: My fellow goblinoids: I don't need to tell you that it has been a hard week.
Redcloak: After the unprovoked terrorist attack on this very tower by elven insurgents, many of you have been uprooted from the work routine to which you may have become accustomed.
Redcloak: —in order to help me with a very secret "project".

Panel 2

Redcloak: In just six weeks, we will mark the one-year anniversary of our conquest of Azure City.
Redcloak: It is with mixed emotions that I must tell you that as a result of recent events, our occupation is at an end.

Panel 3

Hobgoblin #1: What?
Hobgoblin #2: Are we retreating??
Hobgoblin Cleric: We can't let them win!

Panel 4

Redcloak: From this day forward—this day that will be marked in history forever—we will no longer occupy the human territory of Azure City.

Panel 5

A flag is raised on a flag pole.

Panel 6

Redcloak: We will instead be building the sovereign nation... of Gobbotopia!

Panel 7

The flag reaches the top of the pole, "unfurl!"

Panel 8

Redcloak: Seventeen nations around the world have recognized our borders, stretching from here—in Gobbotopia City—through the fertile Blueriver Valley and back to the mountain forts where so many of your women and children still live.
Redcloak: Seventeen nations—including, and I just learned this today—the great mercantile city-state of Cliffport!

Panel 9

Hobgoblin Priest with Orange Symbol: Really? We finally got Cliffport?
Hobgoblin Cleric #2: They have a long-standing trade war with the elves.
Hobgoblin Cleric #2: Once they attacked, Cliffport decided it was best to influence our position on human slavery through economic engagement.

Panel 10

Redcloak: We stand on the precipice of a new Golden Age of goblin civilization, my friends, and it all starts right here, right now.
Redcloak: In twenty years, you will tell your great-grandchildren that you were here to see the first flicker of the flames that will change the world!

Panel 11

Hobgoblin Browncloaks hand out green-bound textbooks to a hobgoblin parent with his child.
Redcloak (inset): For your convenience, we've printed textbooks to teach any children you may have now about the glorious founding of Gobbotopia and the long struggle of the goblin people.

Panel 12

A close-up of a textbook, open to a page which reads:

Gobbotopia

In the unholy eyes of the Dark One, no land is
more blessed and fortunate than the nation of
Gobbotopia. Founded in late 1184 by the high
priest of the Dark One, the nation is largely
regarded as being the most powerful, influential,
and generally interesting country ever.     While the majority of Gobbotopia's population
is composed of the three goblinoid races (goblins,
bugbears, and hobgoblins, with the latter forming
93% of its permanent inhabitants), the nation's
borders are open to all disenfranchized humanoids
and thus supports growing minorities of orcs, ogres
xvarts, gnolls (including flinds), trolls, lycanthropes,
minotaurs, orogs, medusas, sligs, grimlocks, lamias
hill giants, ettins, yakfolk, ettercaps, half-orcs, half-
... and others ...
National Bird: Turkey Vulture
National Flower: Yellow Musk Creeper
National Sport: Red Rover
National Motto: "Screw you, suckers, it's OUR turn now!"
National Anthem
"The Blood-Splattered Banner"
O, say can you see
    in the darkness of night
Who so proudly we killed
    at the twilight's last gleaming
Whose blue shirts and bright swords
    thru the perilous fight
O'er the parapets we saw
    and to whom we gave a reaming...
...glare
...


D&D Context Edit

  • The listed minority populations of Gobbotopia cover many of the most popular types of humanoid monsters in D&D as well as some oddballs. For reference they are listed here with links to their statistics in the SRD if available and to Wikipedia.
Races of Gobbotopia
OOTS Wiki D&D SRD Wikipedia
Goblins Goblin Goblin
Hobgoblins Hobgoblin Hobgoblin
Bugbears Bugbear Bugbear
Orcs Orc Orc
Ogres Ogre Ogre
Xvarts [1] Xvart
Gnolls Gnoll Gnoll
Flinds [2] Flind
Trolls Troll Troll
Lycanthropes Lycanthrope Lycanthrope
Minotaurs Minotaur Minotaur
Orogs [3] Orog
Medusas Medusa Medusa
Sligs [4] No Wikipedia Entry
Grimlocks Grimlock Grimlock
Lamias Lamia Lamia
Hill Giants Hill Giant Giant
Ettins Ettin Ettin
Yakfolk [5] No Wikipedia Entry
Ettercaps Ettercap Ettercap
Half-orcs Half-Orc Half-orc
  1. Not in SRD; published for D&D 3.0 in Living Greyhawk Journal #1 and Dragon magazine #339.
  2. Not in SRD; published for D&D 3.5 in Monster Manual III
  3. Not in SRD; unknown if published for D&D 3.x
  4. Not in SRD; Specific to Dragonlance setting; Unknown if published for D&D 3.x
  5. Not in SRD; probably just a joke. See also: Lizardfolk

Trivia Edit

  • Redcloak in panel two puts the date at six weeks shy of the anniversary of the Battle of Azure City, this is the first indication of exactly how much time passed during the story lines of Don't Split the Party. See also, the Timeline.
  • The attack by "elven insurgents" refers to Vaarsuvius' attempt to kill Xykon in strips #651 through #661. However it could have also referred to the efforts of Team Peregrine, except that when they do attack the prison in #708, Redcloak is surprised about the existence of actual elven insurgents in the city.
  • The flag of Gobbotopia has four stars. The three lower stars represent the main goblinoid races: goblins (green), hobgoblins (orange), and bugbears (brown). The single star surmounting the three represents the Dark One, the god of goblins.
  • The Blood Spattered Banner and its lyrics parody the U.S. national anthem, The Star-Spangled Banner. The anthem was written by Francis Scott Key in 1814 during the Battle of Baltimore.

External Links Edit

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