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Of Clerks and Clerics
Order of the Stick comic
OOTS0735
Comic no. 735
Date published 13 July 2010
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Durkon meets Malack, and Gannji and Enor are doomed by a message from Tarquin.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Acolyte #1: Minister Malack? We have the religious pilgrim we told you about.
Acolyte #2: He's here to see Chancellor Kilkil, but he hasn't returned yet.
Malack: Yes, yes, show him inside.

Panel 2

Malack: Welcome to my chapel, Brother—uh...
Durkon: Thundershield. Durkon Thundershield, priest o' Thor. I, uh, I'm trying ta find out some information aboot a few prisoners.

Panel 3

Malack: Thor? You're quite a long way from the Northern Continent, Brother Thundershield.
Durkon: Aye, well, ye know how it be. Ye leave home on one mission, an' soon enuff yer dragged halfway 'cross that world.

Panel 4

Malack: Ah, the life of an adventuring cleric. I remember it well.
Malack: A perpetual struggle to maintain the hit points totals of four of five nigh-suicidal tomb robbers determined to deplete them at all costs.
Malack: Like bailing out a sinking ship with a thimble, most days.

Panel 5

Durkon: Aye, aye! It's like, "C'mon! Could ye manage ta go ten minutes witout perforating yer aorta? Just once?!?"
Malack: Heh heh. Too true.

Panel 6

Malack: And if not that, then they are whining for you to fix their latest blisters or paper cuts.
Durkon: Aye, though ta be fair, ye do have ta wacth out fer paper cuts.
Durkon: 'Round where I'm from, we call'em "treevenge".

Panel 7

Malack: Here, sit with me and have some bloodwart tea while you wait.
Durkon: Dinnae mind if I do.
Durkon: Do ye know aboot how long tha Chancel'r will take to return?
Malack: Not long, I imagine. He needed to run down to the courthouse to testify.

Panel 8

Cut to the courthouse, where Chancellor Kilkil testifies in front of the Lizardfolk judge in Gannji and Enor's case.
Kilkil: I lost the paperwork.
Gannji: What? You just filled it out this morning!
Gannji: Two humans and an elf? Twelve thousand gold?

Panel 9

Mr. Jones: Your honor, without proof of the bounty redemption that prompted the brawl, we would like to change our plea to Guilty.
Mr. Rodriguez: Make that Extra-Guilty. No, SUPER-Guilty. Ultra-Premium Guilty!
Mr. Rodriguez: Please don't hurt us.

Panel 10

Gannji: You little creep, how could you lose a simple piece of paper in two hours??
Kilkil: I'm—I'm sorry, it wasn't my—look, I was given a note for you. Just—just read the note.

Panel 11

The note reads:

No one extorts
money from me
in front of my son.
I look forward
to seeing you die
in the arena
  — Tarquin  


Panel 12

Gannji: That double-crossing son of a mongoose!!
Kilkil: He also wanted me to add, "Pray I don't alter it any further."
Kilkil: He said you'd know what it meant.

Trivia Edit

  • Durkon's irrational fear of trees, which apparently extends to paper cuts, is a running gag.
  • The final panel is a reference to the 1980 Star Wars sequal, The Empire Strikes Back. Upon Lando Calrissian learning that Darth Vader has changed the terms of their arrangement, taking Leia and Chewbacca, Vader responds with "I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further." Gannji had made his own Star Wars reference in #724, the theme having been started by Tarquin in #723.

External Links Edit

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