No Time for Losers
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 787
Date published 15 April 2011
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When Roy hears that the gladiatorial champion was imprisoned for a trivial crime, Roy refuses to fight... until The Champion is revealed to be... THOG!

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

A man in an enclosure reminiscent of an iron maiden is wheeled in by five guards.
Roy: THAT'S the Champion?? What's with all the chains and such?
Guard: He's crazy, and we don't want to lose any more guards.

Panel 2

The Gladiator Warden moves to unlock the chains.
Guard: Plus, this way we can muzzle him, so we don't have to listen to his insanity.

Panel 3

Roy: Geez.
Roy: What was the original crime that landed him here?
Guard: Public urination.

Panel 4

Roy: What? You mean he got thrown into months of death matches because he peed on the sidewalk?
Guard: Yeah. So?
Roy: "So"?? That changes everything!

Panel 5

Roy: When the guards told me how violent he was, I just assumed that he was in here for murder or something.
Roy: I figured that even though your legal system was screwed up, at least I would be meting out justice for all the victims if I had to kill him.

Panel 6

The guards begin to loosen the chains around the enclosure.
Roy (inset): But now he's the victim! He didn't do anything wrong before you locked him up in here and made him fight a bunch of criminals to the death!
Roy (inset): No wonder he's gone crazy!

Panel 7

Roy: I'm not fighting him.
Guard: What are you, nuts? Take the sword!
Roy: No, look, I'm not going to fight some poor guy who got stuck doing your empire's dirty work.
Guard: Then he'll kill you.

Panel 8

Roy: No, I don't think so. I think this charade has gone on long enough. There's no reason for me to stay here and—

Panel 9

Announcer (off-panel): Ladies and gentlemen, your undefeated gladiatorial champion—
Announcer (off-panel): THOG
Thog emerges from the enclosure.
Thog: thog is the champion, thog's friends!
Thog: and thog keeps on fighting to the end!

Panel 10

Roy reacts with shock, mouth agape.

Panel 11

Roy becomes angry.

Panel 12

Roy: Give me the sword.
Roy: Then run.

Trivia Edit

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