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No Bone Unturned
Order of the Stick comic
OOTS0846
Comic no. 846
Date published 22 March 2012
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The party discovers the tomb of Girard Draketooth under the statue at the entrance to the pyramid. Haley is tasked with searching its dry crumbly assbone.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Roy and Haley examine the butt cheeks on the statue of Girard Draketooth.
Haley: I just want it on the record that I think you're taking this too literally.
Roy: Duly noted. Keep looking.

Panel 2

Belkar: Hey, anyone seen Vaarsuvius? Mr. Scruffy needs the kobold to open his mouth for a minute.
Roy: Why?
Belkar: ...No reason. Don't worry about it. I'm sure the elf will turn up.

Panel 3

Durkon: Lad, ifn' yer gonna ask tha corpse anymore questions, ye better hurry 'fore tha spell runs out.
Roy: Good point.

Panel 4

Roy: Well, if you won't give us a straight answer about the Gate...
Roy: Where is Girard Draketooth.
Draketooth Comedian: Beneath...
Draketooth Comedian: ...his own...
Draketooth Comedian: ...feet.

Panel 5

Roy: Another damn riddle. What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Haley: Hey, I think I found a secret—
Something in the statues goes, "click!"

Panel 6

The base of the statue begins to open with a "wrrrrrrrrshtcht!" causing Haley to fall off.
Haley: Whoa!!

Panel 7

The base of the statue is a sarcophagus containing the skeletal remains of Girard Draketooth. The party looks inside.
Haley: Huh, Girard Draketooth, I presume.
Belkar: At least one of them had the courtesy to put themselves into a crypt after they all died.
Roy: Damn it. I was holding out hope that he had escaped the slaughter up there—but he was dead before it started.
Durkon: Aye, lad. E's been dead fer twenty years or more.

Panel 8

Haley: Should we try to raise him?
Roy: Eventually, yeah. But if anyone was going to hold to your theory about resisting it, it would be him.
Roy: And look at his teeth—he may well have died of old age.

Panel 9

Haley: I guess we have to assume at this point that Girard's Gate is functionally undefended.
Roy: Girard may have been a spiteful curmudgeon, but he was still doing the world a great service. We're all a little less safe now that he and his heirs have passed.

Panel 10

beat

Panel 11

Haley: You're going to make me search that skeleton's dry crumbly assbone, aren't you?
Roy: Yep.

D&D Context Edit

  • Characters who have died of old age, such as Girard Draketooth may have, cannot be resurrected by clerical magic.

Trivia Edit

  • Mr. Scruffy has been using Yukyuk's mouth for a litter box since #835.
  • The title is a pun on the phrase "no stone unturned."
  • This is the final appearance of the Draketooth Comedian, pioneer of ass comedy. He first appeared in #841.

External Links Edit

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