|“Learn to Play it Right”|
|Order of the Stick comic|
|Date published||18 June 2007|
|View the comic|
Much discussion is had to arrive at the usual Order of the Stick battle plan: retreat.
- Haley Starshine ◀ ▶
- Elan ◀ ▶
- Belkar Bitterleaf ◀ ▶
- Durkon Thundershield ◀ ▶
- Hinjo ◀ ▶
- Daigo Da- ◀ ▶
- Kazumi Kato ◀ ▶
- The Army of Team Evil
- Panel 1, Page 1
Haley looks out the door to the tower on the destruction of the castle and the huge army of hobgoblins.
Haley: Well, OK, then.
- Panel 2, Page 1
Haley walks down the passageway
- Panel 3, Page 1
Haley: Good game, people, time to pack it in.
- Panel 4, Page 1
Hinjo: What? What do you mean?
Haley: I mean, we're done here. We're leaving, now.
Belkar: Thank you! I am sick to death of the color blue.
- Panel 5, Page 1
Hinjo: You can't leave!
Belkar: Tell that to my perfectly-muscled ass as it walks out the door.
Haley: I'm not trying to be cold, Hinjo, but come on. There's nothing left we can do here.
- Panel 6, Page 1
Haley: Our leader is dead, our most powerful member is MIA, and Durkon has been healing us all day.
Durkon: Most o' it off-panel, but still.
Haley: We're tapped out. We need to retreat, rest, and come back at this problem from some other angle.
- Panel 7, Page 1
Hinjo: What are you talking about? You guys could kill hundreds more today!
Haley: Too bad there are tens of thousands left to be killed.
- Panel 8, Page 1
Haley: Not to mention Xykon—you remeber Xykon, he killed Roy?—is still flying around up there.
Haley: If we start making a scene, knocking off hobbo's left and right, we're gonna have a sorcerer lich ALL up in our business faster than you can say, "inappropriate encounter level."
- Panel 9, Page 1
Durkon: An' we're in no shape to fight Xykon anymore. I mean, he somehow beat tha ghost o' Soon, else O-Chul wouldn'ta blown tha Gate, right?
Hinjo: I suppose that's true.
- Panel 10, Page 1
Haley: When I was a little girl, my daddy taught me the words of a very wise man:
Haley: "You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away, and know when to run."
Durkon: The man makes some fine roast chicken.
- Panel 11, Page 1
Hinjo: But I can't leave Azure City in its hour of need!
Haley: First, not to put too fine a point on it, but we, The Order of the Stick, are leaving. Whether you join us is, frankly, up to you.
- Panel 12, Page 1
Haley: And second, Azure City's hour of need was, like, three hours ago, and you were there for that.
Haley: This is OUR hour of need, as in, "need to not get killed for no reason." Roy may have been OK with dying as a hero, but I'd much rather live as one.
- Panel 1, Page 2
Haley: Winning the battle isn't on the table anymore. Surviving the battle is the priority now, and it's slipping away fast.
Durkon: Lad, I know it's hard, but she ain't wrong. Thar's nuthin' ye can do now, but if'n ye leave, ye can come back stronger.
- Panel 2, Page 2
Hinjo: What about all of the people who will die between now and then?
Durkon: It cannae be more than tha people who'll die if'n ye ne'er come back at all 'cause ye died fightin' a hopeless battle today.
- Panel 3, Page 2
Durkon: Ye gotta do tha good ye can, when ye can. Else ye end up doin' na good at all.
Elan: And don't forget the people on the boats.
- Panel 4, Page 2
Elan: I mean, they're your people, too, and you totally don't want to leave them in the hands of a doodoo-head like that Kubota guy.
Elan: He reminds me too much of my brother.
- Panel 5, Page 2
Hinjo: I...I can't run away! That's not what a paladin does when evil attacks!
Belkar: Yeah, well, you need—
- Panel 6, Page 2
Daigo: Sir, I know it isn't really my place to say, but... if we're going to ever retake the city, we'll need you leading the charge.
Daigo: No the nobles, who are, as the bard said, doodoo heads.
- Panel 7, Page 2
Daigo: You're a very good paladin, sir—but right now, I think our people need their lord more than they need a paladin.
- Panel 8, Page 2
Hinjo: Fine. We'll retreat.
- Panel 9, Page 2
Belkar: And another thing—
- Panel 10, Page 2
Belkar: —You need to get over your overcompensating-for-something paladin ego that says you need to go down fighting like a dumbass.
Belkar: Do what you need to do for your lame blue city, even if you turn a lovely shade of tan for it.
- Panel 11, Page 2
Belkar: Your uncle had it figured out, you know, but he was less of a wuss than you are.
Belkar: Your stupid sissy honor isn't more important than making sure that when it's all over, Xykon has been stomped into the dirt.
- Panel 12, Page 2
Haley: Um, Belkar, he already agreed to retreat with us...
Belkar: Yeah, but I was all psyched up to call him a dumbass, a wuss, and a sissy when No-Name cut me off.
Belkar: It's what I call and "Insult of Opportunity"
D&D Context Edit
- DM's typically craft combat encounters to be appropriate to the level of the players, making it challenging but not impossible to win. Xykon's high level makes a one-on-one encounter without Roy and V too challenging for the remaining party.
- Attacks of Opportunity occur when a creature attempts to move past a character and other situations that allow a free attack.
- Hinjo and company make the wrong assumptions about what happened in the throne room, not knowing about Miko's unfortunate interpretation of her destiny. Only O-Chul (and Team Evil) knows what really happened.
- "Insult of Opportunity" as opposed to "Target of Opportunity", or perhaps the D&D term above.
- Haley quotes the song The Gambler by Don Schlitz, written in 1976. It was most famously recorded by Kenny Rogers in 1978. Rogers teamed up with KFC to create the Kenny Rogers Roasters chain of chicken restaurants.