Larry Gardener and the Angry Half-Orc
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 253
Date published 5 December 2005
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The Linear Guild goes to recruit a new wizard.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Warthog: Yes sir, I think you'll definitely find someone to fill your vacant position here at the Warthog's School of Wizardry and Sorcery.
Nale: You have a program for sorcerers? Strange.
Warthog: It's an Associate's Degree.
Nale: Ah.

Panel 2

Warthog: Let me introduce you to our star pupil, the famous Larry Gardener.
Larry: Hullo, guvner!

Panel 3

Nale: OK, Larry, why don't you tell us a little about yourself.
Larry: Well, let's see...

Panel 4

Larry: I'm a precocious youth who manages to regularly trounce wizards with far more skill, experience, and emotional maturity than myself.
Nale: That sounds promising...

Panel 5

Larry: I have only token respect for the rules, which is OK because all of my so-called authority figures regularly bend, break, or simply forget about the laws in order to accommodate my latest adventure.
Nale: Uh, OK...

Panel 6

Larry: Which is good, because whatever odd occurance or random event is happening in the area, it always directly relates to me and my past. Always.

Panel 7

Nale: Yeah, I think we're going to have to pass, Larry. Thanks for coming down.
Larry: What? But I'm the best! Everything always goes my way!

Panel 8

Nale: It's just not that simple. You see, kid, when it comes to being tagonists, we're more "an" while you're pretty clearly "pro". We're just not interested.

Panel 9

Larry: Then you're villains? Practitioners of the Dark Arts? I will stop you with my badly mangled Latin and questionable logic!
Nale: We don't have time for this. Thog?

Panel 10

Larry: Stoppus Badguyus!
Thog: little man talk funny.
Thog smites Larry with his greataxe.

Panel 11

Larry lays dead on the floor.
Nale: Sorry about the mess.
Warthog: Don't be, I've been wanting to do that for six books. Years, I mean six years.

D&D Context Edit

  • In D&D Sorcerers have innate magical ability, and don't need to actually study it (as opposed to wizards). Warthog dryly notes that it's an Associates degree; an Associate's Degree is usually a two year degree as opposed to a Bachelor's Degree, which is usually a four year program.

Trivia Edit

  • This comic contains obvious references to Harry Potter:
    • Warthog's is an anagram of Hogwarts.
    • Larry Gardener is a straight Harry Potter parody.
    • The comic's title uses the same structure as the titles of all the Harry Potter books.
    • Warthog's last line is a freudian slip referencing the series of books.
  • This is the only appearance of Larry Gardner, and the first appearance of Warthog.

External Links Edit

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