Just a Couple of Blooddrinkers
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 871
Date published 25 February 2013
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Durkon arrives in the nick of time to save Belkar from being turned into a vampire. He confronts Malack on his betrayal, but Malack sees things from a different point of view. Also, Malack clears up some misconceptions regarding exotherms and bloodwort.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Malack drains Belkar's blood. Suddenly a white light surrounds Belkar.
Durkon (off-panel): Mass Death Ward.

Panel 2

Malack: Brother Thundershield
Durkon: Put tha halflin' down, Malack.
Durkon: An I think I be no brother o' yers.

Panel 3

Durkon: I decide to help me leader an' come down after our teammate, an THIS is wha I find? A vampire?!?
Durkon: How can ye be a vampire, Malack?? I sat wit ye on yer terrace in tha midday sun!

Panel 4

Malack drops Belkar, and Mr. Scruffy runs to him.
Malack: I researched a Protection from Daylight spell years ago and cast it each morning.
Malack: It's the main reason I collected such an extensive magical library for you to use in the first place.

Panel 5

Durkon: Ye lied ta me!
Malack: I withheld information, as did you regarding your connection to Tarquin's son.
Durkon: Thar hardly tha same.
Malack: That is certainly one way to look at it.

Panel 6

Malack: Frankly, I assumed my lack of body heat would have given it away before this point.
Durkon: I just thought yer cold 'cause reptiles're coldblooded.

Panel 7

Malack: Actually, when active, exothermic organisms like lizards have comparable body temperatures to—

Panel 8

Malack: Brother Thundershield, I understand that this can be unsettling for the living. That's why I kept my condition private.
Malack: But nothing has really changed since our engaging discussions. I am still the same man who offered you guidance and friendship.
Durkon: Are ye mad?? Ev'rythin's changed!
Durkon: Yer an undead monster tha drinks tha blood o' tha innocent!

Panel 9

Malack: Not true. I take my daily nourishment from those the Empire executes in the course of its regular business.
Malack: Strictly speaking, they have all been found guilty. And even then, a great deal goes to waste every day.

Panel 10

Durkon: Do ye think tha makes it OK? Ye help run tha Empire, Malack! Just 'cause yer lackeys do tha killin' fer ye dinnae mean yer any less responsible fer tha—

Panel 11

Durkon: Wait—tha tea? Och, Good Thor, tha bloodwart tea I drank?

Panel 12

Malack: Was made of blood and warts.
Malack: You're thinking of bloodwort, with an "o."

D&D Context Edit

  • Mass Death Ward is a spell of unknown level invented by Durkon, but based on the published 4th level spell Death Ward. It protects multiple creatures from all kinds of negative energy effects, such as the energy draining attack that Malack was employing on Belkar.

Trivia Edit

  • Durkon attempted to use Mass Death Ward in #806, but the ThorPrayer® attendant didn't recognize the spell and couldn't understand Durkon's accent. He may have received a Masked Debt Gourd instead.
  • Durkon researched Mass Death Ward with Malack's help in #750.
  • Durkon drank bloodwart tea with Malack #737, though he added spirits to it to make it taste better.
  • In panel 7, Malack refers Durkon's use of the informal thermophysiological term "cold-blooded", and the misconceptions surrounding the term.

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