Just Think How Many Times He's Seen Himself Naked
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 962
Date published 11 September 2014
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Durkon argues with his spiritual captor about the necessity of holding him.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

"Durkon" performs a ritual with Malack's Staff in a magic circle.

Panel 2

Durkon recalls his youth.
Durkon's Cousin: Ha! I scored two Thunderclaps! Boom!
Durkon: Nuh uh! Tha rules say ye haf ta make a Raincloud ‘fore ye can roll a Thunderclap!

Panel 3

"Durkon": So, what now you see something and a memory just pops up?
Durkon: Aye, tha’s how memory works.

Panel 4

Durkon's Aunt: Come on, it’s time ta go home, sweetie. Ye can play Smite Tha Tree wit yer Cousin Durkon next time.
Durkon's Cousin: Awww, Ma! I was just aboot ta win!
Durkon: Na, ye were nae! Ye need a Raincloud first!

Panel 5

Hoskin: Another excellent meal, Sigdi. Are ye sure ye werenae tha army’s secret gourmet chef?
Sigdi: Ha ha, no way! I could barely boil water ‘fore I had Durkon.
Sigdi: Had ta learn ta cook an’ learn how to do everythin’ left-handed at tha same time!

Panel 6

"Durkon": Another dinner party memory? How many of these did your mother host?
Durkon: Hunnerds. One e’ery other Wednesday night fer me whole lifetime.
"Durkon": With the same five people??
Durkon: An’ thar mates an’ kids, aye.
"Durkon": Ugh. That’s gonna get old fast.

Panel 7

Durkon: Yer welcome ta release me an’ go back to where’er ye came from, if’n it’s a bother.
"Durkon": I wish. No, I’m afraid we’re stuck with each other, dwarf.

Panel 8

"Durkon": My mistress has an immediate need for a cleric of your power.
"Durkon": Most priests of your level aren’t foolish enough to fall to undeath—much less a type that retains spellcasting.
"Durkon": Your death was Hel’s lucky break.

Panel 9

Durkon: Why cannae she just raise her own clerics from 1st level, like all tha other gods manage?
"Durkon": She’s tried! Every time she bequeaths clerical powers on some clever ghast or wight, some party of heroes crushes it as the final boss of a low-level dungeon!

Panel 10

Durkon: So you think tha makes ye justified in wearin’ me body like a glorified magic item?
"Durkon": My mission justifies everything, thanks, though you won’t understand why until it’s too late.

Panel 11

"Durkon": And frankly, if you didn’t want your private memories ransacked, you shouldn’t have formed them in the first place!
Durkon: Och, yeah, what was I thinkin’ doin’ all tha thinkin’.
"Durkon": Exactly!

D&D Context Edit

  • Malack's staff in the first panel appears be contained with in a Magic Circle.
  • Durkon is of the Lawful Good alignment, which can be seen expressed in his youth as his insistence on a strict interpretation of the game rules.
  • As "Durkon" points out, many undead types in D&D do not retain the powers they had in life. Skeltons, zombies, ghouls and wights all lose whatever spellcasting abilities they had. Vampires, Ghosts, Liches, and Mummy Lords, for example retain their powers.

Trivia Edit

  • First mention of Sigdi's weekly dinner nights.
  • The game the children play continues the running gag whereby the dwarves have an irrational fear of trees.
  • This is the first appearance of Durkon's cousin Logann and his little sister and Shirra's husband. Logann is not named until #1088.

External Links Edit