|“It's a Boy!”|
|Order of the Stick comic|
|Date published||30 March 2013|
|View the comic|
The Linear Guild regroups and meets Malack's new "son". With the cat out of the bag on Tarquin's secret identity, and Malack's vampirism, Kilkil suggests they still have at least one more surprise up their sleeve. (But the rules of narrative structure prevent them from discussing it.)
- Durkon Thundershield (as vampire) ◀ ▶
- The Linear Guild
- Panel 1
The Linear Guild has regrouped at the top of Girard's pyramid.
Tarquin: Ah, Malack! I was starting to get worried.
Malack: Concern is not necessary. I was delayed by an unexpected conflict that became an opportunity.
- Panel 2
Tarquin: Oh, I see! And who's this little guy?
Tarquin: Are you a new vampire baby? Are you? I think you are!
Tarquin: I think he has your eyes, Malack. Or someone's, at least.
- Panel 3
Nale: Durkon? You vampirized Durkon?? That's hilarious!!
Malack: It is unfortunate that we could not see eye-to-eye. I see no humor.
Nale: That's because you're an uptight corpse-in-the-mud.
- Panel 4
Malack: Do not think for one moment that my decision to sire again in any way ameliorates my wrath over my previous spawns.
Nale: Never crossed my mind. Just try to keep this one out of my way.
- Panel 5
Durkon's toe touches the edge of the light coming through a doorway and sizzles, "sszzzzz!"
Durkon: Haarrgh! The sun! It burnsss!!
Malack casts a spell on Kilkil.
- Panel 6
Malack: Of course it does. That is why we do not go into it without our abjurations.
Malack: Protection from Daylight.
Tarquin: Heh heh, children. You know, Malack and his new spawn are a lot like you and me when you were young.
- Panel 7
Nale: A shriveled heartless snake too stupid to know he should have been buried years ago—
Tarquin: —and an easily-controlled leech whose parasitic existence evokes once-cherished relationship that died painfully.
Kilkil: Oh, that reminds me, sir: Your Father of the Year plaque came in the mail last week.
- Panel 8
Tarquin: Ah, thank you, Chancellor. Hang it with all the others.
Tarquin: But turning back to the matter at hand, we may safely conclude that Elan's team now knows of Malack's vampirism.
- Panel 9
Tarquin: Well, we're standing around talking about it openly, aren't we?
Tarquin: If the protagonists didn't know Malack's secret, we'd still be speaking far more circumspectly about his "condition" and such—
Tarquin: —despite the fact that everyone in the room already knew.
- Panel 10
Kilkil: Oh! You mean like how we're conspicuously avoiding discussing the fact that before we left the city, you—
Tarquin: Now you're getting it!
D&D Context Edit
- Protection from Daylight is a spell researched by Malack, and not a spell published in any official D&D sourcebook. It confers protection from the vampiric weakness to sunlight for one day.
- Malack also likely cast Remove Paralysis, Remove Blindness/Deafness (twice) and some healing spells, or simply cast Heal on Kilkil to revert the effects of Durkon's Holy Word on him.
- In the last panel Kilkil is likely referring to what the party learns in #910.