It's Battlicious!
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 416
Date published 19 February 2007
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Xykon helps Redcloak draw up the order of battle.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Xykon is watching his big-screen crystal ball with Teevo.
Redcloak: Sir, that's it. I'm afraid I'm going to have to put a stop to your "Blind Date" marathon.
Medusa (on Teevo's screen): I don't know...he was cute, but he seemed really stiff the whole date...
Xykon: You have one round to make this worthwhile, or I push the "Eviscerate" button on TeeVo's remote.

Panel 2

Redcloak: Here is what I'm offering: Talk about strategy with me for ten minutes, and this hobgoblin will hit the other hobgoblin in the face with a banana cream pie.

Panel 3

Xykon: Eh, seems kind of tame...
Redcloak (whispering): They don't know that I infested the pie with acid-spitting beetles.
Xykon: Let's talk tactics.

Panel 4

Redcloak: I've prepared this map of Azure City. As I see it, we have superior numbers and tougher soldiers...
Redcloak: ...but they have more mid- and low-level spellcasters and impressive fortifications. I was considering sending all of our troops here, towards the castle, since that's our true goal.
Redcloak: What do you suggest as our best plan of action, Lord Xykon?

Panel 5

Xykon: Oh, sorry, I just fell asleep right in the middle of that.
Redcloak: You're a lich, you're physically incapable of sleeping.
Xykon: Which should just emphasize how boring that was.

Panel 6

Xykon: Look, we have a big frickin' army, they have a castle. It seems pretty straightforward to me.

Panel 7

Xykon: It's not even like we want their crummy city anyway. It's probably like sanctified or something. Ew.
Xykon: The only reason you and I aren't just sneaking in and grabbing the stupid thing is that it can't be moved, and they're likely to get upset if we loiter in their throne room for the few weeks it will take to complete the rituals. Demon-Roach: Have you considered asking nicely?

Panel 8

Xykon: So I say we march up to the city walls and start blasting away!
Redcloak: Oh, very good, sir, should I begin painting the bullseye on you right now, or would you prefer to—

Panel 9

Beat. Redcloak looks at his map.

Panel 10

Redcloak: Thank you, sir. I think I know how to distribute the troops now.
Xykon: Whuh?
Xykon: Oh, well, you're welcome. Glad I could help.

Panel 11

Redcloak: If you'll excuse me, I need to speak with the legion commanders now...
Xykon: Aren't you forgetting something?
Redcloak: Oh, right.
Redcloak: Do it.

Panel 12

Off-panel, the hobgoblins are hit with the pie, "SPLAT!"
Hobgoblin #1 (off-panel): AAAH! Beetles! And they're spitting acid in my eyes!
Hobgoblin #2 (off-panel): Gah! Now they're spitting acid in MY eyes too!
Xykon: Ha ha ha ha, it's funny because it's true...
Redcloak: Don't go anywhere, I've still got a coconut custard that has "siege engine disposition" written all over it.

D&D Context Edit

  • Medusas in D&D are named after the Gorgon of the same name from Greek myth. Like their namesakes, they have the ability to turn creatures to stone with their gaze.

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