I Need a Hero
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 613
Date published 6 December 2008
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The heroes come to Haley's rescue.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Crystal: So, you're sure we can't let her go with a stern warning and let her go level up some more? Because I really wanted to get at least one more Assassin level before—
Bozzok: Crystal.
Crystal: OK, OK.

Panel 2

Crystal: Well, Haley, looks like this is it. I expected more screaming, but this'll do.
Crystal: Game over, you lose.

Panel 3

Belkar leaps through the scene from stage left, attacking Crystal with his daggers.
Belkar: Last minute field goal!!
Belkar: We're headed to overtime!
Crystal: gah!
Bozzok: Damn it! See, THIS is why you don't take your time killing the heroes!

Panel 4

Crystal: I don't know who you are, but you just made yourself the delicious meaty filling in a sneak attack sandwich!
Belkar: *sniff sniff*
Belkar evades the slash from Crystals dagger, "woosh!"
Belkar: Are you bringing the pickles?
Bozzok: Yeah, and I'm bringing the onions—

Panel 5

Bozzok: —to make you cry!
Belkar evades the swing from Bozzok's sword, "swing!"
Belkar: Actually, can we go back to the football quips? This is just making me hungry.
Belkar: You're not using this shield right now, are you?

Panel 6

In the adjoining room, Celia and Roy's spirit look on.
Celia: Belkar?!? How did he—What is he—BELKAR???
Roy: I don't know whether to be excited or worried.
Roy: I think I'll go with "Whuh??"

Panel 7

Belkar simultaneously parries Crystal's dagger with his own, "cling!", while deflecting Bozzok's swing with the shield, "clang!"
Belkar: Wow, it's almost like I'm a seasoned warrior and you two are glorified pickpockets! Imagine that!
Belkar: Mmm... seasoning...

Panel 8

Haley: Belkar...?
Belkar: Oh, hey, Haley. Don't mind me.
Belkar: I'm just getting you out of a situation that you... What was that phrase you used? Oh, right—"brought upon yourself".

Panel 9

Belkar deflects Crystals blow with the shield, "clang!"
Belkar: That's what loyal teammates do for each other isn't it?
Belkar: You know, when they're not busy getting new haircuts.
Bozzok Prepares to Coup de Grace Haley.
Bozzok: Forget this. Crystal, you deal with the halfling. I'm killing Starshine before anyone else—

Panel 10

Celia swoops in, drags Haley out of danger and flies up and away, "whisk!"; Bozzok delivers his coup de grace to the empty space where Haley was, "THUNK!"

Panel 11

Bozzok: Damn it!!! How do the good guys keep DOING that????
Belkar: Trade secret.
Belkar: HEY!
Belkar: Can you pick me up a pastrami sandwich while you're out? Extra pickles and onions?

D&D Context Edit

  • Characters get a +2 bonus to attack when performing a Charge Attack such as Belkar appears to do in panel 3.
  • This is the first time that Belkar uses a shield. He typically fights using his ranger class Combat Style for which he has chosen Two-Weapon Fighting.
  • Bozzok attempts to deliver a Coup de Grace to Haley in panel 9, which automatically hits and scores a Critical Hit.

Trivia Edit

  • The title is a line from the 1984 song Holding Out for a Hero by Jim Steinman and Dean Pitchford and originally recorded by Bonnie Tyler for the soundtrack of the film Footloose from the same year. The song has been used for many other movies and TV shows. The use for this comic may be in reference to the 2004 animated film Shrek 2, where the song was sung by a fairy (similar to Celia, who is a sylph). Or it might also be in reference to the 1988 film Short Circuit 2 where the song was used during the climax in which Johnny 5 swings from a crane to capture the antagonist in a manner very similar to the way Celia rescues Haley in panel 10.
  • Haley decided not to pay the Cleric of Loki to lift the Greater Mark of Justice when she found out that Belkar's sickness was brought on by violating the terms of the that curse, saying it was "a curse he brought upon himself" in panel 1 of page 2 in #602. The Cleric ultimately removed the curse for free in order to use Belkar's combat abilities to save himself.

External Links Edit

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