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Hel Polls for Thee
Order of the Stick comic
Hel Polls For Thee
Comic no. 1000
Date published 27 August 2015
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Hel appears and forces the vote to a tie. Roy leaps into action against "Durkon".

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1, Page 1

High Priestess of Odin: I'm sorry friend dwarf, but you are mistaken. All of the major gods of the Northern Pantheon have voted.
"Durkon": Not technically true. All the gods you were assuming would vote have voted—

Panel 2, Page 1

"Durkon": —but assuming is like breathing. You only really notice you've been doing it when you stop. And then you die.
"Durkon": My name is Durkon Thundershield, and I am the high priest of Hel.

Panel 3, Page 1

High Priest of Heimdall: *Gasp*
High Priest of Sunna: Hel?!?
High Priestess of Freya: But she never sends a cleric!
High Priestess of Thor: Thundershield? Why do I know that name?

Panel 4, Page 1

Roy: Hel? The death goddess, Hel? What the hell?
Wrecan: I'm guessing this, you didn't know about?
Roy: Of course not! I don't even understand it now that I do know about it!

Panel 5, Page 1

High Priestess of Odin: Preposterous. If you are who you say you are, prove it—or leave this chamber.
"Durkon": I am happy to oblige, Lady of Odin. I have, after all, waited my whole life for this moment.
"Durkon": Using the term "life" loosely, of course.

Panel 6, Page 1

Roy: We've been friends for years, why would he think I would care that he swapped religions? I've never worried about that stuff.
Roy: Plus, I'm a strong supporter of tolerance for diverse cultural viewpoints!

Panel 7, Page 1

"Durkon": Summon Proxy!
Hel: My fellow gods and goddesses. It is so nice to be able to finally address this council directly once more after so many centuries.
Hel: You'll forgive my indulgence if I have a few words to say in commemoration of my first—and last—ballot of this world's tenure.

Panel 8, Page 1

Roy: And when did he learn to pronounce the word "of", anyway?!?

Panel 1, Page 2

Hel: Hello, father. Your little scheme with Uncle Thor has done a fine job excluding me from my place here.
Loki: Sweetie, you know that was never the intent of—
Hel: Be quiet. You have said your pieces.

Panel 2, Page 2

Roy: Scheme? What scheme?
Wrecan: I don't know. These aren't my gods, remember?

Panel 3, Page 2

Hel: Gentle colleagues. The esteemed Heimdall is absolutely correct in his reasoning.
Hel: If we obliterate the world by our own divine hands rather than allowing the Snarl to consume it, the souls of the mortals who die will indeed safely retire to their rightful afterlife.
Hel: Though I fear that, in our haste to protect ourselves, it has been forgotten that there would be no honor in such a death—
Hel: —and thus, per our understanding, the soul of every dwarf on this planet will rightfully belong to me.

Panel 4, Page 2

Hel: So by all means, parcel out the spirits of the humans and other races amongst the seventeen of you while I welcome ten million dwarves or more.
Hel: Such an influx of resources could well render me more powerful than Grandfather Odin himself if saying so wouldn't be too immodest.
Hel: And since my ill-conceived wager with Thor expires with this world, I look forward to my temples spreading throughout our next endeavor—
Hel: —a world that knows me only as Queen of the Northern Pantheon.

Panel 5, Page 2

Roy: That's why...
Roy: Not because of who he followed. Because of what he was planning to do on her behalf.

Panel 6, Page 2

Hel: Therefore, it is with a light—nay, almost giddy—heart that I, Hel, Goddess of Death—

Panel 7, Page 2

Hel: —vote Yes.

Panel 1, Page 3

Veldrina: A tie?!? What happens now?
High Priestess of Hoder: The priests of the demigods vote to break the tie—if any of them bothered to show up.
High Priest of Balder: I think I saw a few playing Go Fish in the vestibule.
High Priest of Tyr: Then someone better go get them!

Panel 2, Page 3

Hel: I am most curious how the demigods will vote. Aren't you?
Loki: Ugh, you already know, don't you?
Hel: I do seem to have a certain rapport with some of them, I must admit.

Panel 3, Page 3

beat

Panel 4, Page 3

Roy: Durkon...
Roy: ...tricked me.

Panel 5, Page 3

Roy: He tricked me into bringing him here, and in the process I've helped him sign the death warrant of every man, woman, and child alive—
Roy: —a warrant that wouldn't have been issued if I hadn't destroyed Girard's Gate.
Roy: And worse still, I've helped him condemn his own people to an eternity of suffering.

Panel 6, Page 3

Roy: Belkar was right.
Roy: ...
Roy: And I think I knew he was right all along.

Panel 7, Page 3

beat

Panel 8, Page 3

Roy: Wrecan, am I correct in thinking that the gods must have a physical representation in the room in order for their vote to count?
Wrecan: Yes. I guess that's why your "friend" went through so much trouble to get—

Panel 9, Page 3

Roy: So if one god suddenly no longer had a cleric present before the tiebreaker finished, would their vote be nullified?
Wrecan: ...I suppose. But the rules of the Godsmoot are unambiguous:
Wrecan: A bodyguard who raises arms against the priest of another god must be put to death immediately!

Panel 10, Page 3

Roy: Are there any rules about what happens if a bodyguard attacks their own priest?
Wrecan: ...No.

Panel 11, Page 3

Wrecan: No, there are not.
Roy draws his sword and rushes for the edge of the balcony.

Panel 1, Page 4

Roy leaps from the balcony into the Great Nave sword first, several onlookers in awe.
Roy: DURKON!

Trivia Edit

  • The title is a play on a line from Devotions upon Emergent Occasions a prose meditation written in 1624 by metaphysical poet John Donne. The line, For Whom the Bell Tolls, is famous also as the epigraph of the Ernest Hemmingway novel of the same title. The last line of the meditation is: "never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee." The phase is sometimes moderized, "Ask not..." For more information see Phrase Finder. This line from Donne was also referenced in #396, "The Door Knocks on YOU", and another line from the same work is referenced in the title of #586, No Encounter is an Island Unto Itself.
  • The High Priestess of Thor notes that she remembers the name Thundershield. Durkon previously wrote to the High Priestess in #305, "The Epistle of Durkon", but Miko failed to deliver her response in #375, "Undeliverable".
  • This is the final appearance of the Bodyguard Dwarf, the Bodyguard with Ponytail, and the Bodyguard with Viking Helmet. They all also appeared in #998.

External Links Edit

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