He's Dead Jim
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 444
Date published 25 April 2007
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Haley and Durkon discover Roy's fate.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Haley stands at the battlements of Azure City.
Haley: ROY!!!

Panel 2

Haley: Durkon, did you see—
Durkon: I saw, lass. 'E dropped like a stone.
Durkon: Let me take a closer look...

Panel 3

Durkon looks at Roy through a spyglass.
Haley (inset): Does he... does he have the X's in his eyes?

Panel 4

Durkon: Aye... he's as dead as a doornail alright.
Haley: Durkon! Good gods, a little sensitivity! Roy just died! He was your best friend!

Panel 5

Durkon: Aye, an tha is why I'm happy. I know Roy, he prob'bly figured tha any damage he done ta Xykon would make it tha much easier fer someone else to beat him.
Durkon: Tha means he died fulfillin' his duty, just like dwarf. I cannae be sad knowin' me friend go such a good and worthy death.
Durkon: Though I admit tha hittin' the ground might've been a wee bit ignominius[sic]...

Panel 6

Haley: Roy's dead... and I failed him.
Durkon: Wha? How?
Haley: I should have had some sort of arrow that could hurt Xykon. I mean, I knew he was a lich, I should have looked it up.

Panel 7

Haley: I'm a rogue, I should have been able to sneak a look at the Monster Manual! I could have done that for a friend!
Durkon: Lass, ye cannae dwell on tha now. Yer second-in-command, tha means tha right now, ye're our leader. Ye need ta keep it together fer the team.

Panel 8

Durkon: Now wha are yer orders?
Haley: Gods, why did he have to be so stupid and go jump onto a moving dragon? Who was he trying to impress?

Panel 9

Durkon: Lass, listen to me. LISTEN!
Durkon: Thar was nuthin' ye could've done. Roy was a smart guy, 'e knew tha risks an' accepted dem.
Durkon: Ye couldn'tve talk 'im outta doin' wha was right anymore than I could talk ye outta swindlin' the rich.

Panel 10

Haley: I guess you're... you're right.
Durkon: 'Course I am. So wha we gotta do is do our best ta win this battle, so we can honor tha sacrifice 'e made with eyes wide open.

Panel 11

Haley: OK. OK, let's beat this army for Roy!
Durkon: Tha's tha spirit!
Durkon: After all, it's na like Roy was expectin' thar to be some soft comfy cushion waitin' fer him when he fell...

Panel 12

Cut to a café in Cliffport where two flumphs sit at a table. A chalkboard reads, "Cliffport Café Today's Specials: Egg White Omlette[sic] with Mimosas 10 gold"
Flumph #1: Wait—why do I feel like we were supposed to be somewhere?
Flumph #2: Just eat your brunch.

D&D Context Edit

  • The flumph was introduced in the 1981 First Edition (AD&D) sourcebook, Fiend Folio. Propelled aloft by jets of air, they are helpless when on their backs.
  • The Monster Manual is the primary reference for monster abilities. Knowing a monster's entry means the player knows the monster's weaknesses, even if their character wouldn't.

Trivia Edit

  • The Flumphs in the Cliffport Café are part of a running gag where unsuspecting flumphs happen to break the fall of the PCs. In this case they failed to be there to break Roy's fall, but felt their absence hundreds of miles away.
  • The title is a famous catch phrase of Dr. Leonard McCoy on the original Star Trek series.

External Links Edit

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