Half-Dragons Are Even Worse
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 555
Date published 8 May 2008
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The orcs' behaviour is explained.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Qarr and Therkla confer with the orc chief and shaman.
Qarr: I can't believe you had him right here in your hut, and you grabbed the puppet instead of the bard.
grukgruk: chief grukgruk sorry, but orc tribe priorities changed. prior agreement with imp less important now. naturally will refund deposit.

Panel 2

vurkle: banjo new orc god now.
vurkle: banjo reveal clown self to shaman vurkle, shaman vurkle not able deny banjo divinity.
Therkla: Yeah, but don't you guys have, like, your own orc gods, or something?

Panel 3

vurkle: tribe once worshipped great mighty bull, but it vanished long ago.
grukgruk: think it happen around time tribe discover crate washed up on shore of hamburger buns and individually-wrapped cheese slices.
grukgruk: but not sure.

Panel 4

The panel shows Orc Island and the surrounding sea.
grukgruk (inset): since then, tribe worship land we live on. mountain, with two caves. sea, with three reefs.
grukgruk (inset): like shaman vurkle, banjo clothes show. chief grukgruk know sign when chief grukgruk see sign.

Panel 5

vurkle: good to have new god. was getting hard to decide what is right and what is wrong for self.
grukgruk: better to have small hand puppet tell us.
grukgruk: easier. more time for orc-ball on sunday.

Panel 6

Qarr: Welll, hey, how about a small angry imp telling you what is right or wrong?
Qarr: Doing what we tell you to do and capturing the human is right! Not getting your green butt out there and looking for him is wrong!
Qarr: Do I need to inscribe that on a stone tablet for you?

Panel 7

grukgruk: chief grukgruk not listen to imp. chief grukgruk eat imp in one bite!
Qarr: Unless your teeth are silver or Good-aligned, I don't think so, mush-for-brains.
Therkla: Hey, hey! Everyone, just calm down.

Panel 8

Therkla: We're all friends here. Or at least colleagues. There's no need for hurt feelings.
Therkla: Look, we captured Hinjo's assistant, there's no way they'll just let her die.
Therkla: They'll send a rescue party, probably led by Elan—uh, the human—because he's obviously their most powerful and competent warrior and has such nice hair.
Therkla: We just sit tight and grab them when they show up.

Panel 9

grukgruk: grukgruk listen to therkla. therkla make sense. therkla smartest, prettiest orc chief grukgruk ever know.
Therkla: Uh, yeah, thanks, I guess. But I'm actually a half-orc.

Panel 10

grukgruk: chief grukgruk half orc too. other half, also orc.
Therkla: No, no, I mean i'm half-human.
grukgruk: ohhhh. that imply very ugly backstory.

Panel 11

Flashback to Therkla and her parents.
Father: Come here, my snuggly green cutie-pie!
Mother: *giggle!* me so in love!

Panel 12

grukgruk: chief grukgruk frankly not want dwell on that very much.
Therkla: Try growing up with it.

D&D Context Edit

  • Half-dragons are the offspring of humans and dragons. One can only imagine how that coupling takes place, as the title of the comic suggests.

Trivia Edit

  • In panel 4, it is explained that the Orcs worship Banjo because his clothes match the makeup of the island – 2 caves on a gray mountain match Banjo’s hat, 3 reefs on a blue sea match Banjo’s robes. In panel 11, we see that Orc tongues are blue.
  • The Draketooth Family are the descendants of a black dragon; the first generation would have been half-dragons.

External Links Edit

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