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Hail to the Chief
Order of the Stick comic
OOTS0360
Comic no. 360
Date published 13 October 2006
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The Chief tries to get his officers to enforce the law only to be murdered by Nale.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Woman Cop: That dwarf owned.
Cop with Black Skin: Yeah, he was all, "Thwack!" and the gnome was all, "Gah!"
Cop with Blond Hair: Seriously.
Julia: I, uh, I know him. Kinda.

Panel 2

Woman Cop: Really? That's so cool.
Cop with Black Skin: Let's totally pay attention to you now.
Cop with Blond Hair: Seriously.
Julia: Not my usual technique, but...

Panel 3

The Chief enters. Chief: I have NEVER seen so many cops standing around doing nothing since that time the Donut Chariot was late!
Chief: What in the Nine Hells is going on here, people?

Panel 4

Cop with Blond Hair: Chief, the fight's over. Those adventurers beat the druid.
Chief: Did some-one apply the half-moron template to your base creature?
Chief: We're not here for the druid, chucklehead, we're here for a pair of serial killers.

Panel 5

Chief: Get your low-level asses out there and canvas the neighborhood!
Cop with Black Skin: The whole neighbourhood? That's a lot of canvas...
Cop with Blond Hair: Don't worry, I know a place that sells it by the yard.

Panel 6

Rookie: Sir, those adventurers might know something about the killings, too.
Chief: Good thing, rookie, I agree. Get their attention.

Panel 7

Roy, Haley, Durkon, Vaarsuvius and Belkar stand a few yards away looking down upon a beaten Leeky Windstaff.
Rookie: HEY!
Rookie: HEY!
Rookie: Sir, I don't think they're paying attention.
Chief: 'Course not, we're just lowly NPCs. They're the conquering heroes, no time to listen to us.

Panel 8

Chief: You get over there and you MAKE them listen. Find out what they know. Don't be afraid to make a few intimidate checks, you're the law in this town. He gestures to Julia.
Chief: Take the sister, you might get a circumstance bonus on it.

Panel 9

Julia: Great, so I'm what, a masterwork item now?
Chief: I swear, if it wasn't for the new kid, this whole squad would have the common sense of a medusa checking her makeup.
Chief: I'm getting too old for—

Panel 10

Nale runs in, and with a "SHUTHUNK!" chops of the chief's head.

D&D Context Edit

  • The Nine Hells is the Lawful Evil plane in the Outer Planes, and where devils and Lawful Evil gods reside.
  • Characters can be made from non-standard races, and races can be of various types. For example, a vampire orc would be of both the goblinoid subtype as well as the undead subtype. These templates would modify the base abilities of the character. Half-moron is not a canonical subtype.
  • NPCs, Non-Player Characters, are by definition not the protagonists of the story, since the game revolves around the players.
  • The Intimidate skill allows a character to alter another's behavior based on threats or cajoling.
  • A Circumstance Modifier can be applied in a variety of situations by the DM to make a task easier or harder based on the specific circumstances; in this case it is easier to convince someone if you have his sister on your side.
  • A Masterwork Item conveys bonuses without being magic, due to its superior construction. Julia is comparing the circumstance bonus due to her presence to that gained from a well constructed inanimate item.
  • Medusas like their Greek mythology inspiration, have a gaze attack that turns creatures to stone. A medusa's gaze can be turned on itself with a mirror.

Trivia Edit

  • Hail to the Chief is the Presidential anthem of the United States. It is played for the President when he appears at a variety of state functions. It was written by James Sanderson around 1812, setting to music verses from Sir Walter Scott's The Lady of the Lake. It's association with the U.S. President begins shortly thereafter in 1815.
  • To be "owned" in a gaming context connotes defeat. The term is borrowed from the 1990's hacker culture. A common variant of the term is the leetspeak equivalent, pwned.
  • The Chief's curtailed last line is the catchphrase of Danny Glover's character Roger Murtaugh from the Lethal Weapon film franchise, "I'm getting too old for this shit."

External Links Edit

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