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For a Reasonable Fee

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For a Reasonable Fee
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 220
Date published
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Vaarsuvius wants to get paid, and is willing to go to any extremes to get his/her/its money.

Cast Edit

The Order of the Stick minus Haley and Elan, and Miko

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Durkon is healing Roy.
Belkar: So what we've learned today is that Roy would rather be touched by a short hairy man than a hot kung-fu chick.
Roy: Shut up.
Roy: Well, the ogres are finished, I guess we're just waiting for Haley to bring back the peasant.
Vaarsuvius: Excellent. Then this is a perfect opportunity to discuss my expenses.

Panel 2

Roy: Expenses?
Vaarsuvius: Indeed. I have taken a proverbial page out of Miss Starshine's tome and prepared a comprehensive account of my services.

Panel 3

Vaarsuvius: I present the invoice to account for my services in the most recent battle.

Panel 4

Miko and Roy look at the invoice, which is billed to "That Paladin".
Invoice:

Fireball - 360 gp.
Pinch of Sulfur - 1 cp.
Bat Guano - 1 cp.
Service Fee - 100 gp.
Roaming Charge - 4374 gp.
Heating Charge - 28 gp.
Total - 4862 gp.
Panel 5

Miko: What exactly is a "Roaming Charge"?
Vaarsuvius: Ah. That is a 1 gp fee for every mile outside of my standard service area, back in the elven homelands.

Panel 6

Roy: And sulfur? Bat guano? Vaarsuvius, you're not even required to keep track of these components!
Vaarsuvius: It is more the principle of the thing.

Panel 7

Vaarsuvius: I care not one whit about the money, but I do not wish my arcane powers to be utilized in vain in a trivial battle.
Vaarsuvius: I am hoping that the knowledge that my spells come with a price attached will keep my power from being squandered.

Panel 8

Vaarsuvius: Sir Greenhilt, as always, you have my services at your disposal. But should this one request that I alter reality on her behalf, she will be issued an appropriate bill afterwards.

Panel 9

Miko cuts up the invoice.
Miko: I am not paying for your participation in a righteous cause, Elf.

Panel 10

Vaarsuvius: I thought you might feel that way, so I took the liberty of preparing a revised invoice that you might find more convincing.

Panel 11

Miko: This makes even less sense. I do not remember you casting a spell called "Explosive Ru--
Roy: NO!!!

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