|“For a Reasonable Fee”|
|Order of the Stick comic|
|View the comic|
Vaarsuvius wants to get paid, and is willing to go to any extremes to get his/her/its money.
- Panel 1
Durkon is healing Roy.
Belkar: So what we've learned today is that Roy would rather be touched by a short hairy man than a hot kung-fu chick.
Roy: Shut up.
Roy: Well, the ogres are finished, I guess we're just waiting for Haley to bring back the peasant.
Vaarsuvius: Excellent. Then this is a perfect opportunity to discuss my expenses.
- Panel 2
Vaarsuvius: Indeed. I have taken a proverbial page out of Miss Starshine's tome and prepared a comprehensive account of my services.
- Panel 3
Vaarsuvius: I present the invoice to account for my services in the most recent battle.
- Panel 4
Miko and Roy look at the invoice, which is billed to "That Paladin".
Fireball - 360 gp. Pinch of Sulfur - 1 cp. Bat Guano - 1 cp. Service Fee - 100 gp. Roaming Charge - 4374 gp. Heating Charge - 28 gp. Total - 4862 gp.
- Panel 5
Miko: What exactly is a "Roaming Charge"?
Vaarsuvius: Ah. That is a 1 gp fee for every mile outside of my standard service area, back in the elven homelands.
- Panel 6
Roy: And sulfur? Bat guano? Vaarsuvius, you're not even required to keep track of these components!
Vaarsuvius: It is more the principle of the thing.
- Panel 7
Vaarsuvius: I care not one whit about the money, but I do not wish my arcane powers to be utilized in vain in a trivial battle.
Vaarsuvius: I am hoping that the knowledge that my spells come with a price attached will keep my power from being squandered.
- Panel 8
Vaarsuvius: Sir Greenhilt, as always, you have my services at your disposal. But should this one request that I alter reality on her behalf, she will be issued an appropriate bill afterwards.
- Panel 9
Miko cuts up the invoice.
Miko: I am not paying for your participation in a righteous cause, Elf.
- Panel 10
Vaarsuvius: I thought you might feel that way, so I took the liberty of preparing a revised invoice that you might find more convincing.
- Panel 11
Miko: This makes even less sense. I do not remember you casting a spell called "Explosive Ru--
- Roy: And sulfur? Bat guano? Vaarsuvius, you're not even required to keep track of these components!
- Bat guano and sulfur are material components used for spellcasting. Characters are often not required to keep track of inexpensive components like these.
- Explosive Runes is a 3rd-level Wizard spell that explodes upon being read.