Five Rows Down, Three Columns Over
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 808
Date published 4 October 2011
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Thog crushes Roy through the floor of the seating area down into the first floor of the arena. From his new vantage point, Roy notices the guards carrying Zz'dtri away and realizes that the gladiatorial duel no longer needs to be prolonged. Roy taunts Thog into smashing Roy's head (ouch) into three successive pillars, at which point Thog's rage wears off—so Roy kicks Thog into a fourth support pillar, collapsing the massive ceiling onto Thog. Knowledge (Architecture and Engineering) FTW.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1, Page 1

As Roy and Thog wrestle on the arena floor, Thog has the upper hand. Roy throws sand into Thog's face.

Panel 2, Page 1

Thug hurls Roy into the air.

Panel 3, Page 1

He lands in an aisle in the stands, "WHUMP!!"

Panel 4, Page 1

Fight fan: Wow, this is the best fight of the season!
Roy: Oh, well, as long as you're enjoying it, I guess it's all worth while.

Panel 5, Page 1

Thog is running full-tilt directly at Roy.

Panel 6, Page 1

Roy: HEY! What are you slack-jawed morons doing sitting around??
Roy: He's coming! Get out of here or you'll get hurt!

Panel 7, Page 1

Thog continues on in a determined run.

Panel 8, Page 1

Roy: Go! Run away! Get everyone out of this section!
Roy: I'm a big scary gladiator with permissive ideas about individual rights! BOO!
Roy: Save—

Panel 9, Page 1

Thog leaps into the air.

Panel 10, Page 1

Roy: —yourself. Thog hangs midair somehow above Roy; only the sun is higher.

Panel 11, Page 1

Thog comes crashing down feet first on Roy, driving his head into ramp, cracking the floor, "CRACCK!!!"

Panel 1, Page 2

Roy and Thog come crashing through the floor into the arcade below. Thog rides Roy and the section of floor like a surfer.

Panel 2, Page 2

Roy slams to the floor below with a great "WUNK!" Thog leaps off Roy at the last moment.

Panel 3, Page 2

Roy, lying supine, cranes his head up and looks along the arcade.

Panel 4, Page 2

From his upside-down vantage point, Roy sees three guards carrying away a bound and gagged Zz'dtri.

Panel 5, Page 2

Roy furrows his brow.

Panel 6, Page 2

Roy runs to the left.
Roy: Hey! Thog!
Roy: I hate puppies! I think they're dumb!

Panel 7, Page 2

Thog launches into Roy in a shoulder-first tackle, into a column, which smashes to bits.

Panel 8, Page 2

Roy runs to the right.
Roy: I like stealing their food!
Roy: And making them feel bad about themselves!

Panel 9, Page 2

Thog grabs Roy and drives him into a column, which smashes to bits.

Panel 10, Page 2

Roy, bruised and bloodied, crawls further to the right.
Roy: And I think... your broken tooth... Nnh! ...makes you look like a girl!

Panel 11, Page 2

Thog smashes Roy's head into a third column, shattering it.

Panel 1, Page 3

Thog: THOG—

Panel 2, Page 3

Thog: —hate—

Panel 3, Page 3

Thog's skin begins to turn a paler green. Thog: —thog hate...?

Panel 4, Page 3

Thog's skin returns to its normal color, his rage subsided. Thog: what was thog saying? thog confused, where is thog—

Panel 5, Page 3

Roy: Stop talking.
Roy kicks Thog in the midsection, "WHOMP!", sending him flying into a column, "KRRACK!!", cracks radiating out from the impact.

Panel 5, Page 3

Thog lays stunned as Roy turns and runs away.

Panel 6, Page 3

Thog sits up. A single pebble falls on his head with a tiny "plink!"

Panel 7, Page 3

Roy points up to the ceiling.

Panel 8, Page 3

Thog sits, looking up, next to three shattered pillars, a shattered ceiling above him beginning to crumble. Roy stands a distance away near an intact column.

Panel 1, Page 4

Tons of rubble fall on Thog as the columns and the stands above collapse. Roy dives to safety.

Panel 2, Page 4

Roy: *huff*
Roy: *huff*
Roy: *huff*

Panel 3, Page 4

Roy: *huff*
Roy: Cross-class... skill ranks in... *huff*... Knowledge (Architecture and Engineering)...

Panel 4, Page 4

Roy: THAT'S how I use my Intelligence score in combat, DUMBASS!!

D&D Context Edit

Trivia Edit

  • The title plays with the composition of the rubble which fell on Thog. There were approximately 5 rows of stands in the area where Thog and Roy went through the floor, and there were three columns that fall over bringing down those five rows.
  • The color of Thog's skin corresponds to his level of rage, as part of the Thog-as-Incredible Hulk gag began in #795.
  • A little bit of Thog's head is visible under the rubble. It is hard to tell if what is shown is the shards of glass embedded in his face from #798 or if his eyes have turned to X's, indicating death. This is the final appearance of Thog himself in the comics thus far, though there are nine more appearances of Tarquin impersonating Thog starting with #849. The final fate of Thog remains a mystery.

External Links Edit

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