Roy is accepted in to the Celestial Realm.
Cast[]
- Roy Greenhilt (as spirit) ◀ ▶
- Eugene Greenhilt ◀ ▶
- Bureaucratic Deva ◀ ▶
- Three Angels
Transcript[]
- Panel 1, Page 1
Roy: —so I’m like “But you told me we didn’t want to turn right!” and Durkon says, “No, I told ye we dinnae want ta turn wights!”
Roy: Man, we had to make a lot of Fortitude saves the next day.
Bureaucratic Deva: Ha ha ha ha ha!
- Panel 2, Page 1
Bureaucratic Deva: Let me ask you something: Why did you never consider becoming a cleric yourself? You have halfway decent Wisdom and Charisma scores, you could have pulled it off.
Roy: Well, this is awkward to say, given where I am, but I’ve never really been that religious.
- Panel 3, Page 1
Roy: I mean, I guess my mom raised me to worship the Northern Gods, but I always just figured as long as I don’t actively offend any of them, they’d leave me alone.
Roy: The idea of playing Fetching Boy for an ultrapowerful outsider who never seems to be able to get off his divine butt and do anything for himself seemed like a less-than-satisfying existence.
- Panel 4, Page 1
Bureaucratic Deva: Well, Mr. Greenhilt, I’ve heard all that I need to hear. I’m ready to render a decision.
Roy: As a friend of mine might say, “dunh, dunh, DUNH!” Except for the total lack of suspense due to it being a forgone conclusion.
- Panel 5, Page 1
Bureaucratic Deva: Excuse me?
Roy: Look, I know it’s your job to rake me over the coals—
Bureaucratic Deva: No, you’re thinking devil, not deva.
- Panel 6, Page 1
Roy: —but we both know this is moot, because you can’t let me in due to my dear old dad’s Blood Oath.
Bureaucratic Deva: Mr. Greenhilt, we do things “by the book” around here—
- Panel 7, Page 1
Cut to a giant book floating in the clouds and surrounded by flame and angels. The cover of the book reads, "The Book".
Bureaucratic Deva (inset): —and it just so happens that the book in question is 100 feet tall and alight with holy fire—
- Panel 8, Page 1
Bureaucratic Deva: —and it says that I need to evaluate you regardless of any mitigating circumstances that may or may not be in effect.
Roy: OK, OK, knock yourself out. Geez.
- Panel 9, Page 1
Bureaucratic Deva: There are two sets of criteria I needed to consider before assigning you an afterlife. Are you Good, and are you Lawful?
Bureaucratic Deva: Luckily for you, your lack of piety isn’t an issue, only your alignment is brought into question.
- Panel 10, Page 1
Bureaucratic Deva: I don’t think there is any doubt that you’re a Good man… you regularly battle the forces of Evil without expecting compensation.
Bureaucratic Deva: And I see very few truly Evil acts… Nothing here even merits a blip on the Malev-o-meter.
- Panel 11, Page 1
Bureaucratic Deva: Though sometimes you enjoy verbally lambasting your friends and foes a little too much for our tastes. You might want to cut down on that if you do end up being raised.
Roy: Yeah, but think of how many fewer punchlines I would get if I did.
- Panel 12, Page 1
Bureaucratic Deva: Now as far as Law… You’re a man who has sacrificed most of his adult life fixing the mistake his father made when he swore the Blood Oath of Vengeance against Xykon.
- Panel 1, Page 2
Bureaucratic Deva: By talking to you, I can see you’re someone for whom the idea of Responsibility is central. That certainly who be Lawful enough for us—
Roy: Yes!
- Panel 2, Page 2
Bureaucratic Deva: —except that you often veer toward Chaos in the execution of your perceived responsibilities.
Roy: Crap.
- Panel 3, Page 2
Bureaucratic Deva: Tricking your friends into participating in a quest to fix your sword—much less conspiring to work behind the backs of an order of paladins—are not acts that scream “Lawful”.
- Panel 4, Page 2
Bureaucratic deva: Using Chaotic means to fulfill Lawful obligations strikes me as fairly Neutral…
Bureaucratic Deva: I don’t think my superiors would blink if I kicked your case over to the Neutral Good afterlife, but there’s one factor preventing me:
- Panel 5, Page 2
Bureaucratic Deva: You’re trying.
- Panel 6, Page 2
Bureaucratic Deva: You’re trying to be Lawful Good.
Bureaucratic Deva: People forget how crucial it is to keep trying, even if they screw it up now and then.
Bureaucratic Deva: They figure that if they can’t manage it perfectly every waking second, then they should just pick some other alignment because it’ll be easier.
- Panel 7, Page 2
Bureaucratic Deva: But it’s the struggle that matters. It’s easy for a being of pure Law and Good to live up to these ideals, but you’re a mortal.
Bureaucratic Deva: What matters is that when you blow it, you get back up on the horse and try again.
- Panel 8, Page 2
Bureaucratic Deva: You…well, your record is full of grey spots, but you never stop working at improving it.
Bureaucratic Deva: That’s what’s important. To us, anyway.
- Panel 9, Page 2
Bureaucratic Deva: Welcome to the Celestial Realm, Roy.
- Panel 10, Page 2
Roy: Wait, what? What about the Blood Oath of Vengeance? I thought—
Bureaucratic Deva: It’s not a problem for us. Go on up.
- Panel 11, Page 2
Eugene Greenhilt: WHAT?!?
- Panel 12, Page 2
Roy: In lieu of Paradise, can I just get a picture of the exact look on his face?
Bureaucratic Deva: Now, see, that’s exactly the sort of comment we’d like you to cut back on!
Roy: Maybe a 50-foot marble statue…
D&D Context[]
- A fortitude save is required to resist the level draining attack of wights
- Outsiders are denizens of the Outer Planes.
Trivia[]
- Elan first said "dunh dunh DUNH!" for dramatic tension in #21.
- Roy tricked the party into the sidequest for Starmetal in #139.
- Roy conspired behind the backs of paladins with Shojo in #290.