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Everything Sits Better on a Ritz
Order of the Stick comic
OOTS0192
Comic no. 192
Date published 9 June 2005
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Team Evil makes their most depraved move yet.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Redcloak: Ah, crap.

Panel 2

Monster in the Darkness: What? What is it? I can't see!
Redcloak: It's a type of guard monster. We had one back at the Dungeon of Dorukon. Only that one was domesticated, while this one looks wild.
Redcloak: Which means it will do its best to kill us should we approach the tower.

Panel 3

Monster in the Darkness: And it just happens to be guarding the front gate of your tower?
Xykon: Crazy world, isn't it?

Panel 4

Xykon: Unfortunately, I warded my tower against teleportation, so we can't just pop in.
Redcloak: Sir, I'd suggest not killing it if it can be avoided. We could use a guardian for the tower, and frankly, I'm not sure I can overcome its Spell Resistance.

Panel 5

Xykon: Agreed. Let's just figure out a way to bypass it now, and we'll worry about training it later.
Xykon: And by "we'll worry about it", I mean "you, Redcloak, will have to deal with it, personally."

Panel 6

Redcloak: Figures. I had to train the last one of these things too. I remember rearing it was such a pain in the ass. I was so relieved the first day when it finally fell asleep after eating. It was so—

Panel 7

beat

Panel 8

Xykon: Fell asleep...
Redcloak: ...after eating.

Panel 9

Redcloak is having the hobgoblins season themselves in a huge vat of yellow liquid, after which Xykon hands them a garnish and a huge Ritz Cracker shield.
Redcloak: OK, now, after you're done rinsing in the honey mustard, Lord Xykon will give you your garnish and cracker.
Redcloak: If you like, fresh pepper is available.
Xykon: Sacrificing minions: is there any problem it CAN'T solve?
Hobgoblin: I have a really good feeling about this.

D&D Context Edit

  • Spell Resistance is an ability which causes a creature to be unaffected by spells cast on them.

Trivia Edit

  • This is the first appearance of the Guard Monster. The original guard monster from the Dungeon of Dorukan which Redcloak mentions can be seen in the bonus strips in the print version of Dungeon Crawlin' Fools.
  • "Everthing will taste better when it's sitting on a Ritz" was a tag line from a 1987 ad campaign for wikipedia:Ritz_Crackers.

External Links Edit

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