Don't Make Me Turn This Quest Around
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 323
Date published 13 June 2006
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Roy attempts to quell intraparty fighting

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Vaarsuvius is covered in a goo from the owlbear digestive system.
Belkar: Hey Roy, you're gonna leave that owlbear's head lying there?
Belkar: C'mon, man! Give a hoot, don't pollute!
Roy: Don't push it, Belkar. Remember, I still have the command word for your Mark of Justice.

Panel 2

Vaarsuvius removes the goo with a spell.
Vaarsuvius: Prestidigitation!
Roy: Right now, I'm having trouble seeing why I shouldn't activate it and leave you writhing on the ground until another owlbear wanders by.
Belkar: You're having trouble seeing—well let me paint you a friggin' picture.

Panel 3

Belkar: That pointy-eared pissbucket has sef off 11 Explosive Runes spells on me since I woke up today—and that doesn't count the Fire Trap on the toilet lid.

Panel 4

Belkar: All because he or she or it KNOWS that I can't fight back within the borders of a city, thanks to that stupid Mark of Justice crap.
Durkon: Tha's not why V—
Vaarsuvius: Silence.

Panel 5

Roy: Is that true, Vaarsuvius? Did you cast Explosive Runes on him?
Vaarsuvius: Technically, I cast Explosive Runes on a series of inanimate objects.
Belkar: Well technically, it was the owlbear that ate you, asshat.

Panel 6

Roy: Damn it! Vaarsuvius, I've told you before, we do NOT blow up other members of the party!
Roy: And Belkar, I got you out of Shojo's jail on the premise that juvenile crap like this specifically wouldn't happen anymore.

Panel 7

Roy: I am extremely disappointed in both of you. So I'm calling this thing even, as of right now. No more feud, so no more bodily harm.
Roy: It's over.

Panel 8

Roy: Do I have your word? It ends here?
Belkar: Yeah.
Vaarsuvius: Affirmative.

Panel 9

Roy: OK then. Maybe we can get on with this adventure like adults. Just for a change of pace. Roy exits stage right.

Panel 10


Panel 11

Belkar: Roy's Spot and Listen checks are too low to watch us all the time, you androgynous twit.
Vaarsuvius: Your doom shall be swift and silent—
Vaarsuvius: —like the owl.

D&D Context Edit

  • Explosive Runes is a 3rd level wizard spell that creates runes which explode on reading. The spell is a running gag in the comic, one Vaarsuvius won't cast again for more than 300 strips.
  • Fire Trap is another trap spell, this one 4th level, which can be triggered by opening an item.
  • The Greater Mark of Justice was placed on Belkar by Shojo sometime prior to #294.
  • Spot and Listen skills govern whether a player notices things. It has been firmly established that no one in the party has many ranks in these skills.

Trivia Edit

  • "Give a hoot — don't pollute!" is the motto of Woodsy Owl, the mascot of the United States Forest Service.
  • This is the final appearance of the Owlbear, who first appeared in the previous strip.

External Links Edit

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