Don't Even Ask About Electrum
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 1028
Date published 16 March 2016
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The crew of the Mechane objects to being the Order's personal ferry service, but are satisfied with some gold in their pockets.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Crewman with Five O'Clock Shadow: I thought we were done!
Crewman with Goatee: Yeah, Bandana. You promised.
Crewman with Eyepatch and Beard: I'm freezing my butt off!
Crewman with Eyepatch and Pegleg: This deal is getting worse all the time!
Roy: Hey, so... it's been twenty minutes and I can't help but notice we're still not moving.  Is there a problem?

Panel 2

Andromeda: Roy, I like you, but this is getting out of hand. This is the third destination we've had!
Bandana: Saving the world is darn complicated, Andi. Plans change.
Andi: Just one more reason most of us aren't in the world-saving business. Not everyone wants to play the hero like you do.

Panel 3

Andi: Besides, what are they even saving the world from, anyway? Does anyone know?
Roy:  Well, it's, uh... it's hard to explain.
Haley: Mabye if we had some crayons?

Panel 4

Crewman with Five O'Clock Shadow: Ugh, it's just another apolalypse-of-the-week situation. Good triumphs over Evil while Neutral gets the bill.
Kwesi: They already blew up a cabin fighting vampires, you know.
Crewman with Eyepatch and Pegleg: At least when Captain Scoundrel dabbled in heroics, he always found a way for us to get paid.
Bandana: Hmmm.  That's actually a fair point. They're all square in my book on account of helping us afford all those repairs...

Panel 5

Bandana: ...But the crew gets paid outta that spoils, and no spoils means no income.  They can't pay their debts with a fixed boat. I know Captain Scoundrel said I should go wherever y'all want, but he ain't here and I gotta look after my crew's best interests.

Panel 6

Roy: If paying will get us moving faster, we can do that.
Bandana: Let's say... 200 gp per person, not countin' myself.  And that'll include us sticking around to haul you back home.
Roy: Sure, whatever.

Panel 7

Crewman with Goatee: Works for me.
Kwesi: Yeah, easy money!
Crewman with Eypatch and Beard: I'm gettin' a new eyepatch!
Crewman with Eyepatch and Pegleg: Do you know a good place? 'Cause this one itches.
Andi: But we're not a ferry service!  We're pirates! Am I the only one that remembers?

Panel 8

Andi: Ugh.  I can't wait until the Captain gets back.
Bandana: Oh, simmer down, Andi. You're gettin' paid now, so let's get this ship moving.

Panel 9

Bandana: Hope there ain't hard feelings about this, folks.
Roy: No, I get it. Though money won't do them much good if we don't save the planet from being destroyed.
Haley: Actually, gold is accepted currency on most other planes of existence. With a few notable exceptions.

Panel 10

Cut to the elemental plane of earth. An elf offers gold pieces to a shop keeper who is a Gold Elemental. His periodic table entry reads, "79 Au 196.97". In the background is a Xorn, a Mangnesium Elemental, and an unidentified metalic elemental.
Gold elemental: You monster!

D&D Context Edit

  • The title refers to the confusing use of electrum pieces (ep) as currency in D&D. Originally present in AD&D (1st edition), it's exchange rate vs other coins changed in the 2nd edition. It was removed in D&D 3rd and 4th editions, only to reappear in the 5th edition at its 2nd edition exchange rate.

Trivia Edit

  • The gold elemental is the fifth elemental from the periodic table of the elements to appear in the comics. In D&D elementals are creatures of the four classical elements: earth, air, water, fire. Redcloak began summoning modern elements with his Titanium Elementals, and since then summoned a Chlorine Elemental, an Osmium Elemental, and a Silicon Elemental. This is the first elemental from the periodic table which was not summoned by Redcloak.
  • Haley's comment in the third panel refers to The Crayons of Time.
  • This is the latest appearance thus far for the Mechane Crewman with Eyepatch and Beard. He first appeared in #935.
  • This is the only other appearance of the Crewman with Goatee from #951.
  • The Crewman with the Eyepatch and Pegleg's comment "This deal is getting worse all the time", is a famous quote by Lando Calarission from "The Empire Strikes Back" when he comments on Darth Vader altering their deal.

External Links Edit

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