Dirt Farm
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 212
Date published 8 August 2005
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Roy has to convince his teammates to go along, or does he?

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Roy: Uh, what did you say you grew around here?
Dirt Farmer's Wife: We're dirt farmers, son. We grow dirt.

Panel 2

Dirt Farmer's Wife: Time was, you couldn't go wrong growing dirt, since all the other farmers need so much of it. But our crop got wiped out by the great Dirt Blight a few years back, and we never recovered.

Panel 3

Roy: Now Haley, I know you're not going to want to help these—
Haley: Don't you worry, ma'am, we'll get your husband back safe and sound.
Dirt Farmer's Wife: Bless you!

Panel 4

Roy: Whoa, you? Helping someone other than yourself? I can't believe it!
Haley: Excuse me?

Panel 5

Haley: Exactly when did you become the ultimate authority on me? If you took everything you don't know about me and put it together, it would get a -16 size penalty to AC.

Panel 6

Roy: Well, you never showed an interest in helping others before...
Haley: News flash, Roy: every quest we've done has been all about YOU.
Haley: "I want to beat Xykon, I want the starmetal, I want to bump uglies with the paladin."
Miko: The proper term is "smite evil", not "bump uglies".

Panel 7

Haley: Maybe if you suggested a mission that was about something other than just helping one Roy Greenhilt, I'd be more open to considering it.
Roy: Huh. OK, that's fair. I apologize for generalizing.

Panel 8

Roy: I guess I just need to convince Belkar that we—
Belkar: Nah, I'm fine. Let's go.

Panel 9

Belkar: Hey, ogres make a very satisfying thump when they hit the ground. What can I say, I'm a simple man with simple tastes.

Panel 10

Roy: Wait, wait, wait. So Haley, you're OK with this, and Belkar, you're actually looking forward to it?
Haley: Yup.
Belkar: Pretty much.

Panel 11

Roy: Wow. It's refreshing not to have to jump through hoops to convince the members of my own party to participate in a mission.
Vaarsuvius: Can anyone endeavor to explain why in the unspoken names of the infernal dimensions we are wasting our precious time at this insignificant mudhole???

D&D Context Edit

  • All creatures have a Size Modifier to their AC (and other rolls). Creatures larger than the Medium category get reductions to Armor Class based on how big they are, because big things are easier to hit. The largest standard size category is Colossal, which confers a -8 size penalty to AC. Consequently, everything Roy doesn't know about Haley must be the next size category beyond that, though there is no such category in the game.
  • Smite Evil is a paladin ability that gives extra damage to attacks against evil creatures.

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