Dinner Conversion
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 743
Date published 18 August 2010
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Durkon arrives at the state dinner and he pretends not to have met Haley and Elan before.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Malack: I am pleased that you reconsidered my invitation, Brother Thundershield.
Durkon: Aye, well, tha urgent matter 'came a lot less urgent alluva sudden.

Panel 2

Malack: These state dinners are fairly tedious, I must admit, especially since I do not even eat the food.
Durkon: Really? I woulda thought they'd haf food fe lizardfolks 'ere, too.
Malack: Oh, they do. But I require a very special diet, due to my frail health. I will eat in my quarters later.

Panel 3

Tarquin: ...And you've met Minister Malack, though I do not believe even I had the pleasure of knowing his guest.
Malack: This is Durkon Thundershield, General Tarquin. A religious pilgrim studying human cultures.
Tarquin: Fantastic! The more, the merrier I say.

Panel 4

Elan: It is nice to meet you for the first time, Durkon Thundershield, dwarven cleric of Thor who I have never met before.
Durkon: *sigh*
Tarquin: Wait. How did he know the dwarf worshipped Thor?
Haley: Uh... bardic lore.
Tarquin: Impressive.

Panel 5

Durkon (whispering): Explain ta me again why we're pretendin' na ta know each other.
Haley (whispering): Because I don't trust Tarquin. Or Malack, for that matter.
Durkon (whispering): Ye dinnae trust anyone! Ye think marsupials be shady 'cause they haf a secret pouch!

Panel 6

Haley (whispering): They could have a knife in there, you don't know!
Haley (whispering): And I don't trust those two extra. Tarquin pushed me out of a window and Malack was willing to feed Elan to a dragon.
Haley (whispering): When the +5 Shoe of Otherness drops, I don't want all of our cards on the table.

Panel 7

Durkon (whispering): I'm sure tha was just a misunderstandin', Malack's been nuthin but polite ta me. I'm na lyin' ta 'im just ta satisfy yer paranoia.
Haley (whispering): Then just stay quiet! You don't have to lie—the chances of them directly asking you whether or not we know each other is, like, nil.

Panel 8

Malack: Look at you two, chattering away in the corner. Do you know each other?
Haley: Darn it!
Durkon: Aye, actually, we do. Haley be—

Panel 9

Haley: —a worshipper of Thor!
Durkon: Wha??
Haley: And Father Thundershield was there when I converted.

Panel 10

Durkon: (whispering) What be ye doin'??? Yer no worshipper o' Thor!
Haley: (whispering) Sure I am. I just converted. And you were there.
Haley: (whispering) Nothing but the truth.

Panel 11

Haley: Wooo! I just love that Thor! Gimme another beer!
Haley: I hate trees! And grooming!
Haley: Praise Thor!
Haley throws a beer in her mouth, "glug! glug! glug!"
Malack: As a cleric, it's always nice when you get to see the impact you've made on your flock.
Durkon: Aye, an' I'm considerin' makin' a more hammer-shaped one presently.

D&D Context Edit

  • Bardic Knowledge, or Bardic Lore, is a feature of the Bard class which allows the bard to know relevant information about notable people, legendary items, or noteworthy places.

Trivia Edit

  • The "+5 Shoe of Otherness" is a D&D spin on the common English idiom, "wait for the other shoe to drop". In small apartments bedrooms one can hear the neighbor take his shoe off, and if they hear one drop on the floor, they can expect the second one soon.

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