|“Defense is for Losers”|
|Order of the Stick comic|
|Date published||29 September 2004|
|View the comic|
Belkar's miscalculation lands the casters in a heap of trouble.
- Panel 1
Belkar: Arrgh! I can't believe this.
Vaarsuvius: Scorching Ray!
Belkar: A room full of people I'm allowed to kill, and I have to stand here and protect the wizard and cleric.
- Panel 2
Belkar: It's all your fault. Stupid d4 hit dice.
Vaarsuvius: I'm sorry?
Belkar: You heard me, Ears.
- Panel 3
Vaarsuvius: Well, I'm terribly sorry I spent my extensive lifespan unlocking the means to unravel the universe and reshape it according to my will rather than, say, jogging. It has a tendency to leave one relatively fragile.
- Panel 4
Belkar: If you had gotten more fresh air as a kid, I'd be out there kicking ass right now.
Vaarsuvius: My deepest apologies.
- Panel 5
Vaarsuvius: Now if you don't mind, I am somewhat preoccupied telling the laws of physics to shut up and sit down.
Belkar: Fine! I'll just stand over here and protect your sorry elven butt.
- Panel 6
Belkar: Pointy-eared, purple-haired, ambiguously-gendered pain in my ass.
- Panel 7
Belkar: Aww sweet! Enemy spellcaster over there!
Belkar: I bet I could sneak over there, kill him, and be back before anyone even noticed.
- Panel 8
Belkar sneaks past a goblin wearing a green cloak.
- Panel 9
Belkar comes up on Ted.
Belkar: I got a riddle for you.
Belkar: What's green and black, squeals like a pig, and has two pieces of steel where its lungs used to be?
- Panel 10
Belkar stabs Ted with both daggers.
- Panel 11
Belkar: Piece of cake! But at least it was a little challenging. I mean, it's no fun if there's not at least SOME chance of failure.
- Panel 12
Belkar: I mean, what kind of brain-dead moron could screw up protecting the spellcasters?
- Panel 13
Panel shows Durkon surrounded by goblins and Vaarsuvius surrounded by ghasts.
Vaarsuvius: I don't suppose you are ghouls? As an elf, I am immune to a ghoul's paralyzing touch.
Ghast: Sorry. Ghasts.
D&D Context Edit
- Scorching Ray is a 2nd-level Wizard spell that deals damage with fiery rays.
- When characters level up they roll a die each level to determine how much hit points they gain. Wizard characters only get to a 4-sided die, which is the lowest possible.
- Undead Ghouls have a paralysis attack that Elves are immune to. Ghasts are stronger and have a paralysis that can effect Elves.
- This is the final appearance of Ted. He first appears in #90.