Consumers Report
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 1084
Date published 20 July 2017
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Greg checks in with Hel.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Thrym: You seem really tense. Maybe an aura massage would help you—
Hel: Wait! My high priest is ready for me to make contact.

Panel 2

Hel: Please tell me you have have some good news, vampire.
"Durkon": My lady, I am pleased to report that all preparations are going well.

Panel 3

Hel: Well at least somebody is pulling their own weight around here.
Thrym: Not fair! He's very tiny, his weight is a lot less than mine!
Hel: Thrym has failed to stop the dwarf's allies, and they will arrive at Thor's temple in Firmament before midnight.

Panel 4

"Durkon": We will be ready. We will have plenty of time to kill Greenhilt and the rest before the Council convenes.
Hel: I don't care if he dies or not! Just keep him away from the meeting until it's over.

Panel 5

"Durkon": Yes, my lady, of course. As you have taught me through your—bzz!—example, we have several contingencies in place.
"Durkon": The vote shall—bzzt!—transpire according to your—bzzz!—will, and no—bzzzt!
Hel: What is that crackling noise?
"Durkon": Nothing to worry—bzzz!—about, Mistress.

Panel 6

Cut to Firmament
"Durkon": Just some static on the line.
"Durkon": I'm sure it will clear up when we're done with dinner.
Cleric of Thor: Ahhhh!

D&D ContextEdit

  • "Durkon" and Hel are not constrained by a 25 word maximum, so they are using some form of magical communication other than the canonical Sending spell, perhaps some ability of the goddess Hel.

Trivia Edit

  • The title is a play on the American consumer advocacy magazine, Consumer Reports
  • Hel refers to "Durkon" as her high priest, but that title has at least technically been given to another vampire, in order to free "Durkon" from the sequestering of the High Priests at the Godsmoot.
  • Durkon's absence from the comic for 65 strips since #1019 is his longest gap between appearances.
  • This is the latest appearance of the gods in the strip:
    • Hel, goddess of death, first appeared in #737, and has run in thirteen strips.
    • Thrym, Lord of Frost Giants first appeared in #1012.
  • This is the first appearance of Brother Sandstone (as yet to be named) and three defenders killed by the vampires.

External Links Edit