Cold Blooded
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 783
Date published 23 March 2011
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Enor and Gannji take too long trying to talk out a plan, and Elan pleads with Tarquin to "just end it", so Tarquin ends it... via crossbow barrage.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1, Page 1

Elan and Haley sit with General Tarquin in the box above the arena. Down on the arena floor, Gannji and Enor have been brought out as the next match.
Elan: Hey! I know those guys! They're the ones who brought us here, right?
Elan: How did they end up in the arena?
Tarquin: There may have been a few strings pulled. Consider this another special present for you, my boy.

Panel 2, Page 1

Guard: FIGHT!
Enor: I don't wanna.
Gannji: Oh boy. Think, Gannji, think. How are you going to get out of this one?

Panel 3, Page 1

Tarquin: Hmmm. They're not fighting.
Elan: Dad, they're like, best buddies or something.
Tarquin: I'm well aware, but right now, they're ruining my gift to you.

Panel 4, Page 1

Gannji: Enor, we have to pretend to fight for a while. Then, you can act like you beat me and we can both go back.
Enor: No! I don't wanna! You're my best friend.
Ganji: At least just wave your claws around a little.

Panel 5, Page 1

Enor waves his claws around a little.
Gannji: Could you possibly make it a little more realistic? At least get CLOSE to hitting me.
Enor: You might get hurt by accident.
Gannji: Damn it, Enor, work with me here!

Panel 6, Page 1

Roy, Belkar, and Ian Starshine watch the match from the gladiator pens.
Roy: Geez. That lizardfolk is a jackass, but he still doesn't deserve this.
Roy: It's like watching someone duel their own puppy.

Panel 7, Page 1

Tarquin: This is obviously staged, and more to the point, it's staged poorly.
Tarquin: Kilkil, if those two prisoners don't start fighting—for real—in the next 30 seconds, I want you to take action.

Panel 8, Page 1

Gannji: I don't think they're buying it, old friend.
Enor: Listen, I have a plan, but... you're not going to like it.

Panel 9, Page 1

Gannji: You need to kill me.
Enor: What??

Panel 10, Page 1

Gannji: No, listen. If you kill me, they'll let you live to fight another day.
Gannji: And we both know that you can survive more fights than a rogue like me.
Gannji: I like to flap my gums, but I wouldn't make it two days in this place without you to protect me.

Panel 11, Page 1

Kilkil: Should I release the allosaurus?
Tarquin: No, not twice in one day. I don't want to lessen the impact for when it does show up.

Panel 1, Page 2

Gannji: After you kill me, cut the tip of my tail off. Tell the guards it's a trophy of your victory.
Gannji: They won't question it 'cause you're part ogre. They do stuff like that all the time.
Gannji: Keep it hidden, and if you ever get out of the hellhole, find a cleric and pay to resurrect me.

Panel 2, Page 2

Tarquin: Just have the soldiers get ready to shoot them both where they stand. Thirty crossbow bolts should take down even a half-dragon.
Kilkil: Yes, General.

Panel 3, Page 2

Enor: No, Gannji, there has to be another way!
Gannji: Well I can't think of one! They're going to kill us both if we don't do something.
Gannji: So just hurry up and get to it.

Panel 4, Page 2

Elan: Come on, Dad, don't do this. Let them fight other people at least.
Tarquin: Where would the fun in that be?
Tarquin: The whole point of this match-up was so you could enjoy the extra tragedy of the two of them fighting.

Panel 5, Page 2

Gannji: What the hell is wrong with you, you stupid oaf? You moron! Kill me already!
Enor: No!
Gannji shoves Enor to the ground.
Gannji: DO IT!
Enor: NO!

Panel 6, Page 2

Enor weeps.
Enor: I don't wanna. I don't wanna hurt you. I don't wanna be alone.
Enor: You kill me instead, Gannji. You're smart, and you're never scared. You'll be better off all by yourself.

Panel 7, Page 2

Gannji: ...
Gannji: Enor... don't you see? It has to be you. It has to be.
Ganji: You have the Victory String.

Panel 8, Page 2

Enor: Oh... oh no, Gannji, here, you take it!
Gannji: No, uh... its effects last for 24 hours. I couldn't beat you if I tried.
Gannji: Now come on, let's get this over with, OK?

Panel 9, Page 2

Elan: Dad, I don't enjoy watching people suffer just because they got the better of me once!
Tarquin: You don't? Huh. Weird. Well, if you're really not enjoying it, I'll just end it.
Elan: Good!

Panel 10, Page 2

Enor prepares to pierce Gannji through the heart with Gannji's spear.
Gannji: This is the way it has to be, buddy.
Enor: I'm sorry, Gannji. I'll get you fixed real soon. I promise.
Gannji: It's OK, I know you will.

Panel 11, Page 2

Tarquin: Kill them both.
Kilkil: Yes, General.
Elan: What? That's not what I—

Panel 12, Page 2

A line of crossbowmen fire their quarrels at the pair, "thntk! thntk! thntk! thntk! thntk! thntk! thntk! thntk! thntk!"

Trivia Edit

  • The title refers to the informal thermophysiological classification of lizards as cold-blooded, and plays on the idiomatic usage of this term as meaning "lacking in emotion".
  • Gannji gave Enor the "Lizardfolk Victory String" in #777.

External Links Edit