Climb Every Mountain
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 1015
Date published 14 December 2015
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Belkar climbs up a mountain, planning a speech for when he gets inside the temple, when his path is suddenly blocked by a vampire.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Belkar: Stupid vampire.
Belkar: Stupid mountain.
Belkar: Stupid Roy stupid Greenhilt.

Panel 2

Belkar: Throw me off a mountain? I'll throw you off a mountain!
Belkar: And who cuts away when a beloved character is in danger like that?

Panel 3

Belkar: I'm going to climb this ridiculous unnecessary mountain and burst into the temple all like, "That's not really Durkon!".
Belkar: And Roy will be like, "Yes, it is, because I'm not emotionally equipped to deal with bad things happening to good people."

Panel 4

Belkar: Then I'll say, "Sort it out with your therapist, 'cause this vampire is dust!"
Belkar: Maybe some sort of flip first? I don't know, I'll play it by ear.

Panel 5

Belkar: And then I'll just stab him in the heart.
Belkar: The vampire, not Roy.
Belkar: Though, you know—options open.

Panel 6

Belkar: Oh, and I'm not even going to mention to Roy how I survived getting dropped off a mountain.
Belkar: It'll just be much more badass if I just show up like, "What? No big." That'll really mess with everyone's head.

Panel 7

Flashback to Belkar with a Gnome shopkeeper in Tinkertown, Vaarsuvius and Blackwing visible outside the window.
Gnome Artificer: I'm sorry, I don't have anything to prevent you from being mind-controlled. You should try the young lady down the block.
Belkar: Damn it! I don't suppose you've got a Feather Fall item to help with the part where I keep jumping off the ship?
Gnome shopkeeper: Actually...

Panel 8

Belkar: I should be able to get a couple of sweet burns on Roy about how some of us can handle a little fall without dying for a whole arc.
Belkar: Heh heh.

Panel 9

Belkar: Ok, almost to the temple. I got to remember to go upstairs and grab my daggers before I—
Gontor Hammerfell in mist form passes by Belkar with a "WOOOSH!".
Belkar: WHOA!

Panel 10

Belkar: What the—? That just looked like Dead Snake Guy in his funky smoke form.
Belkar: Ah, crap! Fake Durkon must've vampirified that other dwarf dude and used the staff to speed it up.
Belkar: Great! Just what we need—

Panel 11

Godsmoot temple entrance comes into view, revealing the new Creed of the Stone vampire guarding it.
Belkar: —another frickin' vampire.

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