Tarquin puts on a parade in honor of Elan.
Cast
- Haley Starshine ◀ ▶
- Elan ◀ ▶
- Vaarsuvius ◀ ▶
- Blackwing ◀ ▶
- Tarquin ◀ ▶
- Judy Morningstar
- Bob Bloodcamel
- The Cast of "Rend"
- Mark Cohen
- Mimi Márquez
- Roger Davis
- Tom Collins
- Bluddy
- The Puppets of Sanguine Avenue
- Little Roc
- Felix the Mensch
- Hurt
- Burnie
- Fahruzi Lakshii
- Cathy
- The Clotsburg High School Marching Band
- The
Death SquadBleedingham Amateur Snorkeling Club - A Camel
- Four Kobolds
- A Crowd of Spectators
Transcript
- Panel 1
Judy: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Homecoming Parade for the son of our beloved military commander, General Tarquin.
Judy: I'm Judy Morningstar.
Bob: And I'm Bob Bloodcamel.
Bob: The Empress of Blood sure has pulled out all the stops to honor the little guy, hasn't she, Judy?
Judy: She sure has, Bob.
- Panel 2
Blackwing, Vaarsuvius, Tarquin, Haley and Elan stand on a podium. Judy and Bob comment:
Judy (inset): The guest of honor can be seen with his father on the parade stand, where he certainly seems to be enjoying himself.
Bob (inset): Not surprising, Judy. This parade may be the biggest in the Empire's two-year history—eclipsing even the victory march after the conquest of Justania last year.
- Panel 3
A marching band plays. Judy and Bob comment:
Judy (inset): Starting us off is the Clotsburg High School marching band, playing the empire's rousing national anthem.
Bob (inset): Judy, even though this parade was put together on only a few day's notice, there was some fierce competition for this spot among local schools.
Judy (inset): That's right, Bob, and our prayers go out to the members of the Platelet High School band, many of whom we're told will eventually regain partial motor control in their hands.
Bob (inset): Great news, Judy! A happy ending for everyone.
- Panel 4
The cast of a musical sings. Four kobolds carry a blooddrop-balloon. Judy and Bob comment:
Judy (inset): On our next float, we have the cast of the Tony-award winner for Best Musical, "Rend".
Cast: Five million two hundred fifty-six thousand combat rounds...
Cast: How do you measure a year in a campaign?
Cast: In GP, in XP, in encounters way too easy. Let's celebrate, remember a year in the life of a PC!
Bob (inset): And who's that rounding the corner? It's Bluddy, our nation's lovable mascot.
Bob (inset): Fun fact, Judy: That balloon is held aloft by the screams of enslaved air elementals.
Judy (inset): That must be why it's so jolly, Bob!
- Panel 5
Sanguine Avenue and Fahruzi Lakshii on a camel ride by. Bob and Judy comment:
Bob (inset): Bluddy is followed up by those lovable puppets from Sanguine Avenue.
Judy (inset): Right again, Bob. My three-year-old loves Little Roc, Felix the Mensch, and of course, Hurt and Burnie.
Judy (inset): And I know you love this next one, Bob.
Bob (inset): That's right, Judy, because that's the lovely Fahruzi Lakshii, winner of the Miss Bloodstain pageant this year.
Judy (inset): And once again, our prayers go out to the families of the runners-up.
- Panel 6
13 ninjas walk by. Bob and Judy comment:
Bob (inset): Now Judy. I'm not familiar with this next group. Can you shed some light on this for me?
Judy (inset): Why, that's the Death Squad, Bob!
Bob (inset): Really?
Judy (inset): Yes, they're marching in a parade for the first time, but this elite order of assassins has been around for longer that you'd think.
Judy (inset): They play a very important role in curtailing our personal liberties and maintaining the regime of the current facist—[sic]
- Panel 7
Cathy hits Judy in the neck with a hand crossbow bolt, "Ffft! thunk!"
Judy: Unnnh!
- Panel 8
Cathy takes her mask off, picks up a mike; the show continues with her and Bob as reporters. Judy dies of the poisoned quarrel.
Cathy: Ha ha, we're just kidding around, Bob. That's actually the Bleedingham Amateur Snorkeling Club.
Bob: Good to know, Judy.
Cathy: Cathy.
Bob: Cathy. Back after these messages!
D&D Context
- A Roc, in D&D is a giant bird with an 80 foot wingspan, inspired by the creature of the same name from Arabic folklore. Since the "Sanguine Avenue" parody is actually much smaller than a roc, it is "Little Roc" rather than "Big Bird".
Trivia
- The comic and its title are a reference to Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, punning on the medieval weapon, the mace.
- "Rend" is a reference to the 1996 Pulizer Prize and Tony Award-winning musical Rent. The cast is performing a parody of the song Seaons of Love from that show.
- "Sanguine Avenue" and its puppets is of course a reference to Sesame Street. The puppets look like parodies of Big Bird, Oscar the Grouch, Bert and Ernie. In the parody, Oscar is actually a good character, and is renamed Felix; this is a reference to Oscar Madison and Felix Ungar, the protagonists of the 1970-75 television show The Odd Couple.
- This is the only appearance for all of the parade participants, including the announcers.