Bargain Hunter
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 625
Date published 25 January 2009
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Qarr returns to try to make a deal with Vaarsuvius.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Qarr: So...hey there, again.
Vaarsuvius: Great gods of magic, have you actually returned.
Qarr: Yeah, well, this green stuff you did to me hasn't worn off, so I can't teleport away yet. I figured I'd give this one more shot.

Panel 2

Vaarsuvius: I do not have very much patience right now. I entreat you to provide me with but a solitary reason that I should not vaporize you where you hover.
Qarr: I can help you. With research.
Vaarsuvius: Highly unlikely.

Panel 3

Qarr: No, it's true. I may be an imp, but I'm also a pretty good sorcerer. I probably know a few avenues of magical study that you haven't yet considered.
Vaarsuvius: Impossible, my methodology has been quite exhaustive.
Qarr: Yeah, uh, I can see that.

Panel 4

Qarr: Have you tried adding virgin's blood to your spell reagents?
Vaarsuvius: How could that possibly affect the spell?
Qarr: I don't know, exactly, I don't know what kind of spell you are working on.

Panel 5

Qarr: But I find that virgin's blood is kind of like table salt: you can't go wrong with a little sprinkle here or there.
Vaarsuvius: That is reprehensible, depraved, and most importantly, highly impractical given our current location.

Panel 6

Vaarsuvius: This project is time-sensitive, and the added effort needed to procure such an ingredient would more than offset any boost in efficiency it might provide.
Qarr: OK, OK, well, it was only my first suggestion. The point is, we can work together on something.

Panel 7

Vaarsuvius: And why, precisely, would you have any interest in assisting me in the first place?
Qarr: You smoked my boss...where I'm from, that puts you at the top of the food chain.

Panel 8

Qarr: See, the first lesson of being 18-inches tall is: Find someone more powerful than you are, and glue your lips to their ass.
Vaarsuvius: What a charming visual image you have conjured. Truly, you are a painter with words.

Panel 9

Qarr: Kubota had ambition, sure, but his power was mostly political—and when the political system fell apart, so did he. Literally in the end.
Qarr: But you, you've got real power. Do you know how few wizards even make it past 10th level? An imp like me, I can appreciate that sort of power.
Qarr: I'm just suggesting a... a partnership, of sorts. I help you with your research, and afterwards you help me out with a certain project of my own.

Panel 10

Vaarsuvius: What sort of project, exactly?
Qarr: Nothing that a mage like you couldn't finish in a few weeks, at the most.

Panel 11

Vaarsuvius: You make an intriguing offer, one that is very tempting.
Qarr: By design.
Vaarsuvius: It would seem that I have little alternative than to answer thusly:

Panel 12

The disintegrate beam misses Qarr, "ZZZAPPPP!!!!"
Qarr: WHOA! Hey, you almost hit me with that!
Vaarsuvius: Apologies. I will endeavor to aim more accurately next round, spawn of Hell!

D&D Context Edit

  • Disintegrate is a powrful 6th level spell which deals 2d6/level damage in a confined beam. The caster must make a successful ranged touch attack to hit. Were it to hit it would almost certainly kill Qarr who has only 3 hit dice.

Trivia Edit

  • The bargain referred to in the title is of the Faustian kind.

External Links Edit

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