Allies Like This
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 874
Date published 28 February 2013
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The battle between Durkon and Malack continues. Malack is forced to withdraw using his gaseous form after absorbing a Heal spell. Durkon uses the respite to Remove Paralysis on Belkar, only to find Belkar has been Dominated by Malack's Vampire Gaze. He spends more precious spell slots re-establishing the paralysis and healing himself.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Durkon: Surrender, Malack.
Malack: So you can destroy me?
Durkon: So I can Resurrect ye. I'm sure tha livin' Malack would—

Panel 2

Malack takes gaseous form.
Malack: I had a different name when I was alive—200 years ago.
Malack: I was the ignorant barbarian shaman of a tribe that no longer exists.

Panel 3

Malack: Bringing me back to life is just a complicated way of annihilating the person I am today.
Malack: Save your diamond dust and stake me instead.

Panel 4

Durkon: If'n ye get back here, I can arrange tha fer ye!
Durkon: ...
Durkon: Malack? Crud.

Panel 5

Durkon runs to Belkar
Durkkon E's either gone ta heal his wounds, or ta fetch tha rest o' the Guild.
Durkon: We gotta get back ta Roy either way.

Panel 6

Durkon casts on Belkar while Malack can be seen hanging from the ceiling in the shadows down a corridor.
Durkon: Remove Paralysis.

Panel 7

Belkars eyes are red spirals. He stabs Durkon with both his daggers, "SHTHUNK! SHTHUNK!"

Panel 8

Durkon: Hold Person!!
Belkar is once again paralyzed.

Panel 9

Malack: You don't spend time with a general of Tarquin's calibre without learning a few things about attrition.
Durkon (off-panel): Cure Critical Wounds.
Malack: Your three spells spent to my vampiric gaze—
Malack: —which is unlimited, even if it only works on the weak-willed.
Malack: (Harm.)

Panel 10

Durkon: Weak-willed…Och, tha describes half tha party.
Durkon: I dinnae suppose ye can fetch just Roy fer me, kitty?
Mr. Scruffy: Meow?

Panel 11

Durkon: Nay…I cannae risk any o'em gettin' dominated or vamped.
Durkon: Cure Moderate Wounds.
Durkon: Thor, if'n ye have any ideas on how ta beat this vampire by meself witout losin' any o' me friends, I'm listenin'.
Durkon: …Thor?

Panel 12

Cut away to Hell, where Hel and Thor argue over the fate of a dwarf in the afterlife.
Hel: Infection! She's mine!
Thor: From a splinter that she got bravely fighting an elm!
Hel: Trees are inanimate plants, you buffoon!
ThorBravery knows no limits!!

D&D Context Edit

  • Transforming into gaseous form is a special ability of vampires.
  • Diamond dust is a material component of the Resurrection spell.
  • Remove Paralysis is a 2nd level spell that works as advertised.
  • Hold Person is a 2nd level spell that paralyzes its target for up to 1 round/level.
  • Cure Critical Wounds is a 4th level spell that heals 4d8+1/level hp.
  • Harm does 10 points/level (120 hp for Malack) damage, or for undead like malack, heals them the same amount.
  • Cure Moderate Wounds is 2nd level and heals 2d8+1hp/level.

Trivia Edit

  • Thor and Hel arguing over whether a dwarf died with honor or not (and thus ends up in Valhalla or Hell) is a running gag from #737, as well as the running gag about Thor not hearing Durkon, and the running gag about dwarves being afraid of trees.

External Links Edit

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