With Crystal set loose to assassinate her, Haley seeks refuge with an old friend of the family.
Cast[]
- Haley Starshine ◀ ▶
- Elan ◀ ▶
- Belkar Bitterleaf (sickened) ◀ ▶
- Mr. Scruffy ◀ ▶
- Hinjo (as tree) ◀ ▶
- Celia ◀ ▶
- Crystal ◀ ▶
- Therkla ◀ ▶
- Solt's Donkey ◀
- Hank ◀ ▶
- Jenny ▶
- Eighth Level Greysky Rogue ▶
- Old Blind Pete ▶
Transcript[]
- Panel 1, Page 1
Crystal frolics through Greysky City, "skip! skip! skip!", while Haley and Celia hide behind a building.
Crystal: ♪I get to kill Haaaaaley!♪ I get to kill Haaaaaaley!♪
Haley: Crap! That's her, that's Crystal.
Celia: THAT'S the assassin you're so afraid of?
Haley: She may be dumb as a used tanglefoot bag and have a terrible fashion sense, but she's pretty deady with that funky sword.
- Panel 2, Page 1
Celia: But you've been adventuring ever since you left this city, you must have gained a few levels on her by now.
Haley: Celia, she's a personal rival. She's ALWAYS gonna be the same level as I am when we meet, if not higher.
- Panel 3, Page 1
Flashback to Crystal playing cards with Jenny and another thief when she gains a level, "DING!"
Crystal: Sweet! Starshine gained another level!
Jenny: Damn it! I really need to pick a fight with a PC one of these days...
- Panel 4, Page 1
They see Hank and another rogue walking through the streets.
Haley: Besides, it's not just her... Bozzok has the whole guild out looking for me.
Haley: Although on the plus side, I guess that Cloister effect you told me about will keep his Arcane Trickster from scrying for me.
- Panel 5, Page 1
Haley: Come on, I have an idea where we can hide.
Celia: What about the donkey and the cart?
Haley: Leave 'em. I already stashed Roy's stuff in my Bag of Holding, and they didn't belong to us anyway.
Belkar: Awww, man! I got yelled at for that cart! Now where am I going to ride?
- Panel 6, Page 1
Haley knocks on a door, "knock knock!"
Pete: Who is it?
Haley: Old Blind Pete? It's me—
Pete: No, Old Blind Pete it's ME. Who are YOU?
- Panel 7, Page 1
Haley: It's me, Haley. Haley Starshine.
Pete: ...Ian and Mia's girl?
Haley: That's right. I'm in trouble.
Pete: Are you pregnant?
Haley: What? No! Bozzok wants me dead.
Pete: Why, is he the father?
Haley: NO! Gross!
Haley: He wants to make an example out of me because I left the guild.
- Panel 8, Page 1
Pete: In that case, you better come in, girl. This town could use a few less of Bozzok's "examples" in my opinion.
Haley: Thanks, Pete. I knew I could count on you.
- Panel 9, Page 1
Haley: Oh, and these are my friends, Celia and Belkar.
Pete: Is one of them shaking two giant sheets of cellophane?
Celia: Oh, that's me, I guess. I have wings.
Pete: *sniff! sniff!* And is the other some sort of magically-animated public urinal?
Belkar: I'm having a bad week, OK?
- Panel 10, Page 1
Someone knocks on the door, "Knock knock knock knock!"
Haley: That's Crystal!
Pete: Hide, I'll find a way to throw her off your trail.
Crystal (off-panel): Petey! Get your butt out here!
- Panel 11, Page 1
Crystal: Have you seen Haley Starshine?
Pete: No.
Crystal: OK, thanks!
- Panel 1, Page 2
Celia: She, uh... she does know you're blind, right?
Pete: Crystal never lets what she knows get in the way of her job, heh.
- Panel 2, Page 2
Haley: It won't be long before someone with a little more brains comes around, though. Pete, do you still have that safe room in the cellar?
Pete: Safest in the city. Soundproof, scryproof, ethereal-proof, detect-proof, and totally foolproof. And I've been keeping my moonshine down there, so these days, it's 160-proof! Ha ha ha ha ha!.
Pete: Best part is, the guild still don't know I've got it. Come on, I'll show it to you.
- Panel 3, Page 2
Celia: So, I take it you're not on good terms with this "Thieves' Guild," either?
Pete: Let me put it this way: I used to be known as "Eagle-Eyed Pete" before Bozzok caught me selling guild secrets to his rivals.
- Panel 4, Page 2
Pete: A word of advice: If you're going to do business with criminals, don't pick a nickname based on any body part you can't afford to lose.
Pete: *sigh*
Pete: I shoulda listened to Appendix Steve when he tried to warn me.
- Panel 5, Page 2
Celia: That's terrible! Can't you get your eyes healed?
Pete: Tried it, once. Got a local cleric of Loki to cast Regenerate on 'em, cost me a fortune.
Pete: But don't you know, I'm halfway to Anywhere when Crystal jumps me and pokes 'em both out again. The whole thing was a huge waste of time and money, thank you very much.
- Panel 6, Page 2
Haley: Wait, Pete—I thought all of the clerics of Loki were in the guild's pocket?
Pete: They are, 'cept for this one, who's a dear childhood friend of mine.
- Panel 7, Page 2
Pete: A childhood friend who remembers that Old Blind Pete's gold glitters as well as anyone else's, ha ha ha!
Haley: Good. Great, even. We need a cleric in the worst way, and our gold glitters pretty well, too.
Belkar: She polishes it.
- Panel 8, Page 2
Pete: I'll get a message to him in the morning, then.
Haley: Perfect, we'll bunk here for the night. Thanks again Pete.
- Panel 9, Page 2
Celia: So...what? We're just going to stand around and wait?
Haley: Well, I intend to lie around, but yes.
Haley: A good thief knows that when the heat is on, it's best to either lay low or skip town, and we can't skip town.
- Panel 10, Page 2
Celia: Shouldn't we be, I don't know, making plans?
Belkar: My intestines have a plan: Find a bathroom. A.S.A.P.
Haley: I'm much better at making plans when I've slept more than two hours. We'll plan in the morning, after we talk to Pete's cleric friend.
Celia: But can't we—
- Panel 11, Page 2
Haley: Celia, shush! Try to get some rest.
Haley: We're lucky to have a place to sleep safely tonight. I'm sure wherever Elan is, he's facing threats far more treacherous than a night wasted in a warm bed.
- Panel 12, Page 2
Cut to Elan on a forested land near the ocean. Therkla approaches him.
Elan: I got your note.
Therkla: Did you come alone?
Elan: Yes.
D&D Context[]
- A tanglefoot bag is a standard D&D item consisting of a frangible bag filled with a viscous liquid which thickens and hardens on contact with its target, potentially immobilizing them. One such bag was used to good effect by Miko Miyazaki to disable Vaarsuvius when she arrested the Order of the Stick in #200. The bag is useless once used.
- Arcane Trickster is a D&D 3.5e prestige class which combines the rogue's talent for legerdemain with arcane spellcasting powers.
- Regenerate is a 7th level cleric spell which has the power to restore severed body members.
Trivia[]
- For a long time the appendix was considered a vestigial, until 2007 when researches proposed its use in resetting gut bacterial after illness.
- Anywhere is a democratic state north of Nowhere in the Order of the Stick world.
- This is the first appearance of Old Blind Pete.
- This is the first appearance of Jenny.
- This is the first appearance of the Eighth Level Greysky Rogue, who accompanies Hank in this strip.
- This is the final appearance of Solt's Donkey, the stalwart draft animal which pulled the cart with Roy's body to the Sunken Valley and Greysky after being taken from his owner Solt Lorkyurg once Belkar had murdered him. Solt's Donkey first appeared in #539, making eleven appearances overall.