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Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 863
Date published 12 September 2012
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The Linear Guild has teleported to the desert outside, where Tarquin retrieves a bottle of Keoghtum's Ointment and revives Nale. He fills Nale in on the outcome of the combat and muses on Roy's decisions.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

The Linear Guild, minus Malack and Qarr, have just teleported out of the pyramid to the desert of the Windy Canyon with a "pop!"
Tarquin: Hmmm. I was hoping we'd be back in my chambers in Bleedingham, but such are the limits of sign language.

Panel 2


Panel 3

Tarquin's pteranodon lands next to him.
Tarquin: Good girl! Now let me get in that emergency pouch of yours.

Panel 4

Tarquin digs in a pouch strapped to the pteranodon.
Tarquin: I'll have to remember to pack a spare axe next time…I guess a whip will have to do.
Tarquin: Now where is the—

Panel 5

Tarquin: Ah! This ought to do the trick!
Tarquin: We used to call this stuff, "Cleric-in-a-can."

Panel 6

A close-up of the label on the back of the bottle Tarquin is holding:

 Keoghtum® brand Ointment EXTRA STRENGTH
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ Drug Facts
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ Active Ingredient Purpose
Magic 71%.............................................Panacea
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ Uses For treatment of cuts, burns, fractures, bruises,
sprains, concussions, boils, warts, psoriasis, acne, gout,
deafness, blindness, thin or patch eyelashes, bacterial or
viral infections, cancer, organ failure, varicose veins, mild
incontinence, and all other diseases, ailments, or trauma.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ Directions Apply to affected area. If condition worsens,
apply more to affected area.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ Inactive Ingredients Petroleum jelly, glycerin, heart of a
virgin collected on his/her wedding night, fragrance.
Panel 7

Tarquin: A dab for the drow—

Panel 8

Tarquin: and two for my idiot son.

Panel 9

Nale: Dad…? Where—what happened?
Tarquin: You crumpled like a tissue paper golem, I'm sad to say. Your dark elf friend pulled us out.

Panel 10

Nale: Wait—Sabine! What happened to Sabine?
Tarquin: Banished. It would appear that for the next 24 hours, this evil adventuring party is of the sausage variety.

Panel 11

Tarquin: Grab Kilkil. I don't have enough ointment for all the stuff that spell did to him.
Tarquin: But we can meet up with Malack. He should head back to the room with the corpses, once he realizes we fled.

Panel 12

Tarquin: Greenhilt is proving to be a wonderful challenge after all.
Tarquin: Though I do question his decision to hold your brother back from the conflict…

Panel 13

Cut to the Order of the Stick, inside the pyramid.
Haley: Elan, I'm sure Roy didn't leave you out of the fight on purpose.
Roy: I was going to have you cover our escape with an illusion. But then we won!
Elan: Without an elaborate turnaround?? If you're going to fib, Roy, at least make it believable!

D&D Context Edit

  • Keoghtum was a hero-god in the Greyhawk campaign setting in AD&D 1st edition, and a member of Gary Gygax's Company of Seven. Keoghtum's Ointment, which appears here, is the first reference we have to Keoghtum in published D&D material, first appearing in the 1979 1st edition Dungeon Master's Guide. In 3.5 and later additions, the ointment is renamed "Restorative Ointment", without reference to Keoghtum.

Trivia Edit

  • This is the final appearance of Tarquin's Pteranadon. It appears to be a member of the species, Pteranodon longiceps, the type species of pteranodons. It first appeared in #847.

External Links Edit

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