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First Church of Banjo
Order of the Stick comic
OOTS0081
Comic no. 81
Date published 24 June 2004
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"Replacement Cleric" "Beats Pay-Per-View"
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Elan gathers more worshippers for his god.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Belkar: Let me get this straight:
Belkar: The more worshippers[sic] you get for your little doll there, the more Roy will get zapped?
Elan: I suppose that's one way of looking at it.

Panel 2

Belkar: ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY BANJO!!

Panel 3

Haley: How does Banjo feel about taxation?
Elan: Banjo wisely believes the consumer best knows how to spend his or her hard earned money.

Panel 4

Haley: Hmmm, I like what I'm hearing. But there's so many gods on the market today. How do I know Banjo the Clown is the deity for me?
Elan: We understand your concerns. That's why the Church of Banjo offers a 30-day guarantee. We'll refund double your burnt offerings back if you're not completely satisfied.

Panel 5

Haley: Wow! OK, what the heck, I'm in. As long as he's against killing. I can't worship a bloodthirsty vengeance god.
Elan: Um, right, absolutely. Banjo hates killing.
Belkar is wearing a clown hat. He has sacrificed a goat with a dagger and is offering it up on a stone alter as a burnt offering.
Belkar: WHAT?? Not the Banjo *I* know! He's old school! I don't care for this new direction.

Panel 6

Elan: OK, OK, we can make this work. Belkar, ignore everything I said after you began worshipping[sic], and just call yourself an Orthodox Banjoist.
Belkar: Sweet.
Elan: Haley, you ignore everything I said BEFORE you started worshipping[sic], and call yourself a Reformed Banjoist.
Haley: Works for me.

Panel 7

Elan, Belkar and Haley: YAY BANJO!

Panel 8

Elan: How about you, Vaarsuvius? Come and join Banjo's flock?
Vaarsuvius: I think not!

Panel 9

Vaarsuvius: I worship the ancient elven god of knowledge, keeper of secrets so mighty that even the smallest taste of them would shatter your sanity! My devotion to his arcane mysteries is absolute! I shall never renounce him!

Panel 10

Vaarsuvius: Never! Do you hear me? NEVER!
Vaarsuvius: NEVER!

Panel 11

Elan: I'll throw in a free coffee maker.
Vaarsuvius: Does it do espresso?

Panel 12

Elan: No.
Vaarsuvius: NEVER!

External Links Edit

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