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Mammals Can't Seem to Get Enough of Those Things
Order of the Stick comic
OOTS0726
Comic no. 726
Date published 27 May 2010
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"The Significantly-More-Secret Origin of Tarquin and Nale" "And It Will Never Work Again"
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Haley meets Tarquin.

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Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Elan: Haley! Oh my GODS! This is so awesome, this is my father! My real honest-to-goodness father! Can you believe it??
Haley: What, the guy who pushed me out a window? Really?
Tarquin: I'm General Tarquin, father to both Nale and Elan.

Panel 2

Elan: Dad, this is my girlfriend, Haley.
Tarquin: My humblest apologies. Had I known you were my son's lover, I would not have defenestrated you earlier.
Haley: Ummm... OK.

Panel 3

Tarquin: You remind me a little of my fifth wife.
Haley: Oh? Was she a redhead, too?
Tarquin: No, but she had the most magnificent set of perky round—
Haley: Eyes. Let's both pretend you were about to say, "eyes".
Tarquin: Fair enough.

Panel 4

Elan: Isn't this just so cool??
Haley: But how did he get here? Why is he working for the Empire of Blood?
Elan: Oh, sorry, baby—we answered those questions in the last strip. I'll fill you in later.

Panel 5

Tarquin: Please, I would be honored if you would consider making yourselves guests in our palace.
Elan: Oooo! Oooo! Yes! So we can talk and bond and stuff!
Haley: Actually, we have some friends we really need to get back to...
Vaarsuvius (whispering): If I can trance for a few hours, I can regain my Sending spell to contact Sir Greenhilt.

Panel 6

Elan: Please, Haley? Pleeeeeease?
Haley: OK, fine, we can stay here for today.

Panel 7

Tarquin and Elan: HOORAY!!
Tarquin: I'll have Kilkil draw up passage papers for the three of you, and I'll lead you to your rooms.

Panel 8

Haley: Elan, I know you're thrilled to meet your father—and I certainly don't mind learning that you'll still look sexy with grey hair—
Haley: —but I think we need to be careful.
Elan: Careful? Of what?
Tarquin: The guest quarters are right down this hallway, past the library.

Panel 9

Haley: I'm not sure, exactly, but all that stuff you said to the Empress about slavery and stuff still applies.
Haley: Plus, he IS the man who raised Nale.
Elan: Yeah, I guess you're right. I should really try not to get too—

Panel 10

Tarquin: ...And through that door are our dinosaur stables.
Elan: Really??
Elan: Lemme see! Lemme see! Lemme see!
Haley: Elan? Elan, come back!

Panel 11

Vaarsuvius: Not surprisingly, ethical concerns cannot overcome the siren's lure of a triceratops ride.
Blackwing: I bet her perky eyes would stand a better chance.

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