|Order of the Stick comic|
|Date published||14 December 2009|
|View the comic|
The Order finds it has been on a goose chase designed to frustrate Soon Kim.
- Panel 1
Girard: If you are hearing this recorded illusion, the heuristic magic has determined that you are at least 90% likely to be Soon Kim—
Roy: Now, we're getting somewhere!
- Panel 2
Girard: —or one of his facist paladin lackeys
Vaarsuvius: But it does not appear to be somewhere we would like.
- Panel 3
Girard: Which raises the question of why you're here, in this spot, saying those things.
Girard: I mean, logic dictates that you're here specifically to find me or my Gate, or else why would you be standing in the exact coordinates I gave you for it?
Girard: You do remember logic, don't you? It's the part of your brain that weeps every time you kneel down and pray to a glorified petting zoo.
- Panel 4
Girard: But see, if you're here for the Gate, well...we had an agreement. An agreement that we wouldn't interfere in how we guarded each other's Gate.
Girard: An agreement that you have now, by all appearances, broken.
- Panel 5
Girard: Luckily for me, I've never trusted authority figures, be they kings, presidents, or party leaders.
Girard: Give a man enough power, and he's bound to abuse it, no mater how noble he thinks he is.
Blackwing: What an interesting sentiment.
Vaarsuvius: Be quiet!
Girard: I always figured that eventually, you'd decide that only you could be trusted with the power of the Snarl, or you'd have some other "greater good" excuse to bring your thugs here to knock on my door—
- Panel 6
Girard: —which is why my door is somewhere else.
- Panel 7
Roy: No. Oh, no no no no no no—
Girard: That's right, the rift (and the Gate) aren't here at all.
Roy: Goddamn it!
- Panel 8
Girard: I guess the honor of a paladin may not be able to be broken, but it can sure be suckered.
Girard: When you asked me for the coordinates to the rift on the Western Continent, I simply lied to you.
Girard: I gave you the coordinates for here—
- Panel 9
Girard: —a completely random spot in the middle of the world's largest desert.
Girard: Hell, I rolled percentage dice to see where I sent you!
- Panel 10
Girard: I bet delegating all the mapmaking duties to the guy who took two levels of ranger doesn't seem like such a hot move now, huh?
D&D Context Edit
- Percentile dice (two ten sided dice which are used to generate a random number from 1-100) are often used for D&D tables which have the highest number of possible outcomes.
- Girard is primarily a Sorcerer, but he apparently multiclassed in Ranger at some point, giving him just enough Knowledge (geography) skills to be dangerous.