Threat Assessment
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 597
Date published 28 September 2008
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Elan risks becoming a distraction to Vaarsuvius's research.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Vaarsuvius: At least when the halfling was a member of this concern, we were still accomplishing our basic goals.
Illusory Belkar: Hey, that's a good point! Rock on, self buddy!
Elan: Shut up, Illusory Belkar. Dismiss Major Image.

Panel 2

Elan: Look, V, it's not that I mind that Kubota is dead, really. He was a total douchebag. I mean, he did murder Therkla, after all. But it's wrong to—
Vaarsuvius: At the risk of repeating myself, who is "Therkla"?

Panel 3

Elan: The half-orc ninja girl? Purple outfit, green skin?
Elan: You helped arrest her?
Vaarsuvius: She is dead?
Elan: Yeah.
Vaarsuvius: ...
Vaarsuvius: Does this mean we no longer gain XP for defeating her on the island?

Panel 4

Elan: What?? How can you say that about her?
Elan: She was a PERSON, not a bundle of experience points! Therkla had feelings, and dreams, and... and more depth than YOU have!
Elan: She was in love with me. She gave up everything for a chance to be with me, and I couldn't do anything to keep her from dying in my arms.

Panel 5

Vaarsuvius: I am deeply apologetic that I cannot keep abreast of your latest romantic subplots. It must be because I am too concerned with searching for your PREVIOUS paramour.
Vaarsuvius: You do remember Miss Starshine, do you not? Or did your tryst with the orc erase the pertinent memories?

Panel 6

Elan: Don't you DARE say I've forgotten about Haley! Do you have any idea what I had to do because I won't give up on her?!?
Vaarsuvius: I do not know.
Vaarsuvius: Did you perhaps limit your affair with the NPC to oral pleasures? You know, out of respect for those still missing in action?

Panel 7

Elan: ...
Elan: You're a horrible mean person, and I'm not going to lie for you. I'm going to tell Hinjo exactly what happened here.
Vaarsuvius: Do as you wish, though I find it odd that one who just witnessed the haste with which I will remove that which distracts me from my crucial research—

Panel 8

Vaarsuvius's hands and eyes light up with magical power.
Vaarsuvius: —would risk becoming just such a distraction one's self.

Panel 9


Panel 10

Vaarsuvius: Because then I might be forced to remove the distraction.
Elan: I don't get it.

Panel 11

Vaarsuvius: YOU are the distraction in this case. Remove the distraction, which is you. Remove YOU with haste.
Elan: ...
Elan: What are you getting at?

Panel 12

Vaarsuvius: Oh, forget it. It would take longer to make you understand than it would to research the next spell.
Elan: Wait—are you saying that you are going to research the spell "Haste" if I don't distract you anymore?
Vaarsuvius: Yes, that is it exactly. You have perfectly gleaned my true intentions, well done. Have a cookie.

D&D Context Edit

  • Elan continues to use is Major Image of Belkar in this strip.
  • Haste is a 3rd level spell which doubles movement and attacks. It is not what V is working on.

Trivia Edit

  • A Threat assessment is a report which details the credibility and seriousness and likelihood of being carried out of a potential threat. Various organs of the U.S. government use this term in briefs regarding terrorist and other threats to the country.

External Links Edit

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