You're No Help at All
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 554
Date published 5 May 2008
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Failing to enlist the aid of an increasingly haggard Vaarsuvius, Elan, Durkon, and Daigo resolve to save Banjo (and Lien) themselves.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Elan: —and then the witch doctor guy grabbed Banjo off my hand and said I wasn't worthy of holding him!
Daigo: That's when the stabbing and shooting began.
Durkon: Followed by the runnin' and prayin'.

Panel 2

Vaarsuvius: Why in the infinite planes would a tribe of orcs spontaneously begin worshipping your hand puppet?
Elan: Wouldn't a better question be, "Why don't more tribes of orcs spontaneously begin worshipping my hand puppet?"
Vaarsuvius: No.
Vaarsuvius: No, it would not.

Panel 3

Vaarsuvius: Wait—were there not four of you when you departed?
Elan: Lien wouldn't run away.
Daigo: Because, you know...
Durkon: Paladin.

Panel 4

Lien: So, if you were looking to sacrifice a virgin, you'll have to find a way to travel back in time to before my Junior Prom.
vurkle: no, banjo like girl with some experience.
grukgruk: better if been around block few times.
Lien: Damn it, how does my mother keep being right about this stuff?

Panel 5

Daigo: So, do we have a plan to rescue her?
Durkon: I dinnae exactly prepare me spells today wit stealth in mind, but I think I may be able ta—
Vaarsuvius: I wish you all the luck required to complete your endeavor.
Elan: Wait—aren't you coming with us, V???
Vaarsuvius: I am not.

Panel 6

Vaarsuvius: I only agreed to accompany this expedition because I needed to procure several avian specimens with which to complete my current experiment, which I have done.
Vaarsuvius: I leave the details of establishing trade relations—including dealing with unforeseen consequences thereof—in the hands of those marginally more qualified.

Panel 7

Daigo: But what about Lien??
Vaarsuvius: My sole priority lies with continuing to search for Miss Starshine.
Vaarsuvius: Lien is an adult, it is not my place to relieve her of the ramifications of her unwillingness to flee when circumstances warrant it.

Panel 8

Durkon: Wha if she dies, Vaarsuvius? Wha then?
Vaarsuvius: Then I suppose you will need to raise her. Who knows? Perhaps we can get a message to Sir Greenhilt in that manner. Either way, it is hardly my concern.
Vaarsuvius: Fly!

Panel 9

Vaarsuvius: Now if you will excuse me, my research awaits.
Durkon: Come back 'ere, ye blasted elf!
Elan: Forget it, Durkon. We can handle this on our own.

Panel 10

Elan: I may not have been able to go back to save Haley, but I can go back and make this right. This is where we draw the line in the sand (literally) and say, "No more!"
Elan: We won't leave one of our own behind again!!

Panel 11

Durkon: Ye ARE talkin' aboot rescuing Lien right?
Elan: We won't leave TWO of our own behind again!!
Elan: (Thanks.)

D&D Context Edit

  • Fly allows Vaarsuvius to fly at a speed of 60 ft/round for about 15 minutes at V's current level.
  • Lien's paladin code of conduct and immunity to fear prevents her from fleeing from a foe.

Trivia Edit

  • This is the first appearance of shaman vurkle.

External Links Edit

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