Death Actually IS Too Good For Them
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 399
Date published 10 January 2007
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The Order of the Stick considers how best to deal with the defeated Linear Guild.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1, Page 1

The Order, sans Roy, stands by the tied up and unconscious Linear Guild.
Elan: Hooray! The Order of the Stick wins the day over the Linear Guild! XP for everyone!

Panel 2, Page 1

Durkon: I guess now we need to figure out what ta do wit 'em.
Elan: Oh. Right

Panel 3, Page 1

Durkon: Should we return 'em ta stand trial fer their crimes?
Elan: No way!!
Elan: If I can break out of that prison so can Nale. And he'd kill a bunch of innocent guards on his way out.

Panel 4, Page 1

Durkon: Well, we cannae just keep 'em captives ourselves, we'd mess it up sooner or later...
Haley: Right, so maybe we—
Vaarsuvius: Excuse me! Excuse me for one moment!

Panel 5, Page 1

Vaarsuvius: While I would normally be downright gleeful at the prospect of an intellectual discussion without the halfling's proverbial two copper pieces, I feel that perhaps his unique viewpoint might actually be relevent[sic] to this question.
Vaarsuvius: Namely, would it not just be wiser to execute all three of them and be done with it?

Panel 6, Page 1

Haley: Sh'yeah, right. If you want to be fighting hem again in a few dozen strips.
Vaarsuvius: Explain that conclusion, please.

Panel 7, Page 1

Haley: Nale is really, really good at putting together teams of bad people that listen to him, even when it's not in their own best interest.
Haley: If we kill Nale all he needs is for Hilgya or Zz'dtri or someone we don't even know about to drum up the cash for a True Resurrection spell, and BAM!
Haley: Nale's back in business and there's not a lot we could have done.

Panel 8, Page 1

Haley: I mean there's probably some ubermagic that would bind his soul or something...
Haley: ...but that's kinda on the Evil side of the street if you ask me.
Vaarsuvius: And what, exactly, would the problem with that be?

Panel 9, Page 1

Beat. Elan and Haley look at Vaarsuvius aghast.

Panel 10, Page 1

Vaarsuvius: I did SAY that I was representing the halfling's viewpoint in this.

Panel 1, Page 2

Haley: Even if we did stop Nale from being raised, what about Sabine? She's an outsider.
Haley: Kill her, and she just returns to the Lower Planes and rematerializes down there.
Haley: I think.
Haley: Honestly, I don't really know how that works, I think they keep changing it.

Panel 2, Page 2

Vaarsuvius: I see. So we have no options that will not result in near-immediate freedom for a trio of enemies that has proven willing to devote enormous amounts of time and energy towards engineering a victory over us, personally?
Vaarsuvius: Adding once again to the ever-growing roster of forces out there harboring vaguely-defined plans that involve our deaths?

Panel 3, Page 2

Vaarsuvius: Maybe we could get a few of our recurring villains to fight one another to thin the herd?
Vaarsuvius: I would pay a handsome sum to see the Linear Guild and that paladin battle for our amusement.
Vaarsuvius: Perhaps in some manner of gladiatorial arena...

Panel 4, Page 2

Elan: THAT'S IT!
Elan: Vaarsuvius, you're a genius!
Vaarsuvius: Oh? Then I shall book the arena...

Panel 5, Page 2

Elan produces his gift certificate.
Elan: My gift certificate from Lord Shojo!
Elan: We may not be able to get Miko to beat up Nale, but we CAN get the Sapphire Guard to hold him for us!

Panel 6, Page 2

Elan: When we first came to Azure City, they stuck us in those antimagic cells. I'll ask Shojo to hold Nale, Sabine, and Thog in there until we can come up with a better plan.
Vaarsuvius: Hmmm... antimagic would nullify most of Sabine's natural powers, as well as Nale's ability to enchant others.

Panel 7, Page 2

Durkon: We're supposed to have a meetin' wit Shojo in tha mornin'. We can guard 'em ourselves until then.
Haley: Great! So do we have a plan?
Elan: Sounds like!
Vaarsuvius: Agreed.

Panel 8, Page 2

Elan: Wow... it's so weird to have my ideas actually listened to...
Haley: Tell me about it.
Nale, gagged, begins an internal monologue.
Nale (thinking): Fools!

Panel 9, Page 2

Nale (thinking): None of you realize that even as you blather on, my minions are out there, waiting to rescue me.
Nale (thinking): Even a thousand paladins won't stop my loyal servants from finding and releasing us from you antimagic cells.

Panel 10, Page 2

Nale (thinking): All I need to do is wait for them. Soon, I shall be free, and then your doom will be—

Panel 11, Page 2

Cut to the streets of Cliffport.
Leeky Windstaff: Thanks for the help.
Leeky: Have you ever considered employment as a cohort?
Leeky: I can promise a good health plan and you would get to work outdoors.
Pompey: I suppose not warning Nale about his brother's jailbreak will serve as my two weeks' notice.

D&D Context Edit

  • Defeating an opponent is all that is necessary for experience points (XP). It is not necessary to kill them.
  • Haley is uncertain about the game mechanics of what happens to a demon like Sabine after she dies. Different D&D supplements and editions, particularly the 2e Planescape supplement made significant changes to the rules governing the inner and outer planes.
  • True Resurrection is a 9th level (the highest spell level) cleric spell that can bring back to life a creature, even if the body has been destroyed. The title refers to the difficulty this presents to the party should they simply kill their enemies.

Trivia Edit

  • This is the final appearance of Leeky Windstaff and Pompey as members of the Linear Guild or otherwise, except for the illusory appearance of the back of Leeky's head as part of Elan's phantasm dream in #888.

External Links Edit

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