Innocent Man
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 367
Date published 1 November 2006
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Elan and Thog find themselves in the CPPD jail.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1, Page 1

Thog and Elan are in prison cells.
Warden: Welcome to prison, you disgusting pieces of human offal.
Warden: Now that you've been healed and dressed in your new prison togs, you'll be in that cell there until your trial—and then, gods willing, for the rest of your very short lives.
Thog: thog not human offal. thog HALF-human offal.
Elan: Please! You have to help me! There's been a terrible mistake!

Panel 2, Page 1

Warden: The mistake was you and your pal here killing our chief and one of our officers.
Warden: Not to mention a whole bunch of unstatted Commoners.
Elan: But it wasn't me! I didn't do it!

Panel 3, Page 1

Elan: It was my evil identical twin brother.
Elan: He switched places with me, his brother, Elan.
Warden: You mean that nice kid who was with the adventurers?

Panel 4, Page 1

Elan: Yes! No, wait, I mean, no! I mean, yes, that was him, only it wasn't him, because I'm him, and he's me.

Panel 5, Page 1

Elan: What I mean is, I didn't try to sacrifice him to a demon, he tried to sacrifice me... well, actually, he tried to sacrifice, uh, ...himself.

Panel 6, Page 1

Warden: Tried to sacrifice himself? Yeah, uh, when you get your story straight, you let me know.
Elan: But I can't stay in jail any more! I didn't do anything this time!

Panel 7, Page 1

Warden: "This time"? So you've been in prison before, eh? A hardened criminal?
Elan: No, no, it was all just a misunderstanding! Like this!
Elan: That time, I'd actually done it, but we got found Not Guilty anyway because my friend's dad changed the outcome.

Panel 8, Page 1

Warden: Wow, did you just confess to tampering with a criminal trial?
Elan: What? No!
Officer: We're definitely going to need to let a judge handle this. Just make yourself comfortable.

Panel 9, Page 1

Elan: No! You don't understand! If I don't get out of here, they'll die! They'll all die!
Warden: Threats aren't going to help you. Now settle down.

Panel 10, Page 1

Warden: How about you, Toothy? You want to proclaim your innocence here too?
Thog: no. thog guilty.
Warden: Refreshing, a shred of honesty. Why don't you tell me what's going on with your buddy Nale here.

Panel 1, Page 2

Thog: not nale. not-nale. thog help nail not-nale, not nale.
Thog: and thog knot not-nale while nale nail not-nale. nale, not not-nale, now nail not-nale by leaving not-nale, not nale, in jail.

Panel 2, Page 2

Beat. The warden stares uncomprehendingly at Thog.

Panel 3, Page 2

Warden: Pleading insanity, then?
Thog: what is "offal"?

Panel 4, Page 2

Warden: Forget it. Have a nice first night behind bars, I'm sure you'll get used to it after a few months.
Elan: MONTHS? You can't! You can't leave us here that long!
Thog: thog too pretty for jail.

Panel 5, Page 2

Elan: I can't believe this is happening! I'm stuck here in prison for stuff I totally didn't do, while Nale is a free man.
Elan: And my friends don't know it's him! If I don't warn them, he might kill Roy, or Durkon, or V, or Belkar...

Panel 6, Page 2

Elan: ...or Haley.

Panel 7, Page 2

Elan: I have to get out of here! Help! Can anyone help me??

Panel 8, Page 2

Elan: Can anyone hear me?
Thog: thog hears you!
Elan: Can anyone ELSE hear me??

Panel 9, Page 2

Elan calls out the cell window.
Elan: HELP! Help me! I'm innocent! I didn't do it! HELP!!

Panel 10, Page 2

Cut to the outside of the CPPD HQ. Elan calls from inside.
Elan: Anyone?? Please! I need help!

Panel 11, Page 2

A broad shot of Cliffport, Elan's voice rising up from the city.
Elan: I need to warn Haley.

D&D Context Edit

Trivia Edit

  • This is the first appearance of the CPPD Warden.
  • Offal are organ meats.

External Links Edit