|“The Big Secret”|
|Order of the Stick comic|
|Date published||27 January 2006|
|View the comic|
Shojo prepares to reveal the big secret.
- Roy Greenhilt ◀ ▶
- Elan ◀ ▶
- Mr. Scruffy ◀ ▶
- Celia ◀ ▶
- Lord Shojo ◀ ▶
- The Lawyers
- Panel 1
Mr. Jones: The prosecution rests.
- Panel 2
Mr. Jones: We rest. Our case is complete.
Celia: But that doesn't even make sense! All you did was get testimony about how they allegedly blew up a random castle.
- Panel 3
Celia: I know I'm new at this, but I'm pretty sure that's not enough for a conviction.
Celia: The charge given was "weakening the fabric of the universe", not, I don't know, "castle blowing upness". You need to link the castle's destruction to something else or you've got absolutely no case!
- Panel 4
Lord Shojo: I'm afraid I agree, son. Don't you have any more evidence?
Mr. Jones: Well, of course I do, Your Honor. But as you well know, the additional evidence relies on state secrets.
- Panel 5
Lord Shojo: Oh! Right! The secret stuff. Well, I guess since I know the secret and our friend from the Upper Planes knows it, we can just move on to the defense.
- Panel 6
Roy: You're all insane! You drag us down here in chains so you can tell us, "Oh, whoopsie, we can't tell you the basis for the charges because you're not in the top secret club"??
Celia: I'm afraid I have to agree with my client. This is outrageous.
- Panel 7
Mr. Jones: Don't look at me. Azure City law clearly stipulates that telling anyone this secret is a criminal offense.
Mr. Jones: You didn't think a Lawful Good government automatically meant free speech, did you?
- Panel 8
Celia: OK, fine. Keep your secret, then. I move for an immediate dismissal of all charges.
Celia: Not only did the prosecution fail utterly to connect my clients in any way to the so-called "weakening of the fabric of the universe", but my clients are also incapable of receiving a fair trial, since they cannot form any kind of defense against charges that rely on secret voodoo knowledge to even understand.
- Panel 9
Celia: Unless, of course, I need to know the secret handshake to make a motion in this court.
Phil Rodriguez: Oh, no, the secret handshake is for sidebar conferences.
- Panel 10
Lord Shojo: Hmmm... yes, I concur, Mr. Scruffy, bringing the perpetrators to justice IS more important than keeping the secret...
Mr. Scruffy: Meow?
- Panel 11
Lord Shojo: Very well, Miss Celia. In the interest of giving your clients a fair trial, I shall reveal to you the Secret Forbidden Lore of the Sapphire Guard.
Celia: Darn, I was kinda hoping for a mistrial, not a bunch of background exposition...
- Panel 12
Lord Shojo: It all began at the Dawn of Time...
Elan (off-panel): Dun dun DUN!!
Roy (off-panel): Elan!
D&D Context Edit
- The Upper Planes are the seven good-aligned planes.